


never gonna give you up

by EzzyDean



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Background Relationships, Demiromantic Oikawa Tooru, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 00:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9941189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzzyDean/pseuds/EzzyDean
Summary: Tooru just wants to take someone home for the three day weekend so that his family will stop insisting that he 'find someone to be happy with' and leave him in peace.  The problem is that he doesn't have time - or much interest, really -  for things like dating and romance and all of that.  Bokuto, being the awesome roommate and all around good guy that he is, agrees to go home with him as his boyfriend.Everything goes great.For the weekend, that is.Everything kind of goes to hell after that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rarepairenabler](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarepairenabler/gifts).



Oikawa Tooru was many things.  Exhausted university student in a near panic over his parents asking about him coming home over the long holiday weekend was currently seated at the top of the list, reigning over his other worries and woes like a weathered monarch. Of course there were other things he was, including worried over maintaining his grades and attempting to keep his fans happy and trying to get enough sleep on a semi-regular basis but all those things were mere peasants in comparison.  His family was great.  Wonderful.  Amazing.  A thesaurus entry of similar words and feelings.  They also wanted him to be happy and healthy and fulfilled in life.  Which, hey, awesome! They seemed determined that the way that would happen would be for him to bring someone special home to meet them.  Less awesome.  Because he totally had time to meet someone and see them enough to determine that they were someone who could be deemed by his mother as ‘someone special’ in his life to make him happy.  Heck there were weeks he barely even saw either of his own roommates more than twice a week.  And he lived with the guys.

A loud snore distracted him from his spiraling sense of panic over the upcoming holiday weekend and where the hell he was going to manage to find someone to talk into going home with him for the weekend without it being too awkward when they got back.  Of course one of his roommates would be around on the day he was barely functioning and was trying to survive on ten hours of sleep for the entire last week and was on his third extra large extra strong coffee of the day.  It was only 9AM and he was pretty sure if the girl behind the counter at the coffee shop across the street from his dorm room saw him a fourth time before noon she might burst into tears for him.  Which would be nice.  It would save him the inconvenience of stress crying himself.  For the second time in as many days.

Bokuto snorted in his sleep and Tooru debated getting up and shutting Bokuto’s bedroom door.  But the door was so far away from the couch and just being able to hear another person living and breathing and snoring was a kind of anchor for him to tie himself to when he was working up to a panic.  He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.  His fingers itched to grab his phone and shoot Hajime a text.  If anyone would have good advice it would be his best friend.  But Hajime was busy with some big project for one of his sports medicine classes and the last thing Tooru really wanted was to distract Hajime with his dumb freak out.  Especially over this.

It wasn’t like his family would be upset if he didn’t bring someone home.  They just wanted him to be happy after all.  But he wasn’t so sure that being happy equated having a girlfriend and he was just really tired of always having subtle and not so subtle hints being nudged in his direction about when he’s going to bring someone home.  Sure he could just tell his parents to please ease off the subject.  But that would just make him feel guilty and that’s really just another peasant of a thing he doesn’t have time for right now.

He took a shuddery breath just as Bokuto snored loudly and, presumably, woke up with a confused snort.  After a moment he mumbled something about the time and Tooru called out that it was not long after nine and that Bokuto would probably be late for his 10AM lecture if he didn’t get moving.

A series of muffled curses and mildly concerning thumps later Bokuto was hurrying out of his room.  He slowed down enough to ruffle Tooru’s hair like he always seemed to be doing and grab his stuff from the other end of the small couch before he was out of the room and on his way.  Tooru turned his attention back to his homework, leaving the physics portion for when Bokuto came back and focusing on the astronomy reading and notes he had to finish.

It wasn’t until Tooru checked his phone a half hour later and found a text from Bokuto thanking him and offering to bring them lunch before their afternoon physics lab that he realized that Bokuto had stolen his coffee.  He decided that it was okay since it was Bokuto.  Plus he probably didn’t need the rest of that third extra large anyway.

  
  


“So do you not want to take a girl back?  Are you more wanting to take a guy back or something?”

“I have my fair share of girls and probably a decent number of guys I could ask.”  Makki snorted and the image on Tooru’s screen wavered a little as Makki readjusted his laptop with a grin.  They were the only ones in the group chat at the moment and opted for a video call in their own chat since they were both trying to get through some homework.  “I dunno.  I’m not sure I wanna take anyone with me.”

“Like anyone ever?” Makki asked distractedly as he clicked on something on his laptop.  Tooru watched in amusement as the screen started jiggling in Makki’s window as he apparently shook his laptop in frustration at whatever he found.

Tooru shrugged.  “I dunno.  It’s hard enough for me to imagine wanting to go on a bunch of dates with someone let alone take them home to meet my family and all that.  It’s weird isn’t it?”  Makki shrugged and glared down at the book open on his desk, mouthing obscenities at it.  “I mean.  Who has time to think about stuff like that?  I’ve got enough on my hands with classes and volleyball and surviving my roommates.”

“And not getting enough sleep, obviously.”

Speaking of roommates.

“Ugh.”  Tooru could feel his face curling up in disgust at the image on Makki’s call.  Ushiwaka was peering over Makki’s shoulder at his screen and giving Tooru a judgmental look.  Or at least it seemed judgmental from the angle of Makki’s laptop camera.  Tooru just assumed that anything coming from Ushiwaka in regards to Tooru is judgmental.  “Makki you have an intruder looming over you menacingly.”

“I am sorry you are so displeased to see me but this is my room as well, Oikawa.”

Makki rolled his eyes and turned around to say something to Ushiwaka and then leaned back in to whisper at Tooru.

“Really he’s not as bad as I expected.”

“Traitor,” Tooru hissed softly.  Though it didn’t have the bite it would have a year ago.  Makki was still his friend and close quarters with Ushiwaka hadn’t seemed to have infected him with anything noticeable or lasting.  Yet.

“Yeah yeah.  But he does have a point.  You look exhausted.”  Makki leaned in close to his laptop and squinted at Tooru.  It wasn’t Hajime’s stare of doom but it did rank a close second place and Tooru resisted the urge to cover himself from the scrutiny.  “When was the last time you slept more than three hours in one night?”

He opened his mouth to snap back that he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself thank you very much when a mug of steaming something or other appeared in front of his face and he went a little cross eyed to look at it.

“I think he got three and a half last week the night after our game,” Bokuto stated.  “But I don’t know for sure.  I only got up a few times to take a leak.  Remind me to never drink that much water before bed again holy hell.”

“What exactly is this-” Tooru took a cautious sniff of the steaming liquid, “-and why do I get the mug with the obscenities scrawled on it?”

“It’s tea.  Drink it it’s good.  And I gave Yaku the mug with the pouting raincloud cause he kicked me the last time I gave him the one you have now.”

“And you think I won’t kick you?”

“I just gave you tea and I’m going to help you with our physics homework.  I am about 90% sure you won’t kick me.”

“As much as I love watching Oikawa Tooru interact with things in his natural environment I gotta go.”  Makki’s voice broke into their conversation and Bokuto peered over Tooru’s shoulder to wave at him.  “I’ve got a late slot for my make up test tonight.  Try to get enough sleep so that I don’t have to call Iwaizumi, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.”  Tooru waved at the screen and hovered his mouse over the end call button.  “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Good luck on your test!” Bokuto called enthusiastically just as Tooru ended the call.  “So,” he cooed as he turned to give Tooru a grin, “now that we’re alone… did you not understand a word our professor said today or was it just me having a dumb day?”

Tooru took a few sips of his tea - Bokuto was right it was good tea - while he tried to remember the lecture today and if it was confusing or not.  He can remember the first time he had heard Bokuto say he was having a dumb day.  

Shortly after becoming roommates they had trudged back from practice and were discussing something their coach had said less than an hour ago that Bokuto couldn’t understand.  Once he realized it wasn’t because it was all that confusing but was just because he was having a bad day he had jokingly told Tooru he was being dumb that day.  At first Tooru had been concerned that university was already wearing down on his new roommate - he had overheard Yaku, his other new roommate, talking to his former captain and Bokuto’s best friend, Kuroo, about what to do if Bokuto had a really bad drop in mood which was something he was apparently known for in high school - and had tentatively tried to boost his mood since the last thing he felt like dealing with was a dejected roommate, classmate, and teammate all in one; he had a lot of reading to do already and he wanted to watch a few of last years matches again to get a hang on his new teammates play styles.  Bokuto had just laughed loudly and clapped Tooru on the shoulder and explained that sometimes he just couldn’t focus and understand things properly and he called them his dumb days because his brain was being ‘a dumb dumb’ and refusing to cooperate.

“It’s something Akaashi, my setter and one of my best friends, helped me with.  I’ve always had trouble,” he explained, opening up as easily as if he had known Tooru his entire life instead of just a few weeks.  “You know focusing and keeping my moods up and shit.  But Akaashi promised to always tell me when I was being stupid for real or when I was just being silly and dumb.  It kind of helped me get a handle on what I needed to be worried about and what was just my brain being weird.”  Then he had broken into laughter and doubled over.  “Oh man you should have seen how pissed Kuroo was the first time he heard Akaashi tell me I was being dumb. I actually had to hold him back so he didn’t slug Akaashi.  It was a hell of a first meeting.”

Tooru mused on all that while he tried to remember the lecture and anything important said by their coach after practice.

“Honestly I’m not sure.  I wasn’t having the best time focusing today either.”  He knew he had screwed up at least three tosses at practice and two of his serves had been absolute disasters and he doesn’t even want to think about the complete disaster his notes were sure to be.

“Are you having a dumb day too?  I wondered.  You didn’t even yell at Yaku for being all  _ Yaku _ and making you leave practice early.”

“Everything is just a lot for me right now.”  Tooru felt safe enough for a moment to admit it out loud here in his room curled in his chair with his knees tucked to his chest and a warm mug of tea in his hand.

Bokuto was leaning against the door frame with his own mug in hand.  His eyes were on Tooru but he wasn’t really watching him.  They had that glazed look Tooru had noticed on occasion that meant Bokuto was either very deep in thought or busy remembering whatever weird meme or joke Kuroo had texted him that morning.

“Volleyball, classes, friends, or family?”

“What?”

“Whatever’s eating at you.  Which is it?  Or is it all of it?”  Tooru stared up at him with eyes widened in surprise.  It was less that he was surprised that Bokuto noticed and more surprised that Bokuto was mentioning it at all.  The three of them had kind of made an unofficial agreement to stay out of each other’s lives as best as they could.  They were all adults with their own problems and classes and as long as it didn’t mess up their teamwork it wasn’t anything to worry about.

“Which one of them got to you,” Tooru wondered suspiciously.  “It was Iwa-chan wasn’t it?  Makki complained to him about me looking tired lately and he got your number from someone and now he’s guilted you into babying me or something.  They’re such overprotective brats.”

Bokuto blinked at him slowly while he drank his tea.  “Actually it was Ueda.  She said she wanted to give you a chance to get whatever it is sorted out before she mentions anything to Coach.  Said that she thought it might sound better coming from a teammate than her.”

“Fuck,” Tooru hissed.  Ueda,  the team’s manager, was almost as observant as Tooru was when it came to volleyball and the team and was twice as protective as Hajime when it came to the people under her watch.  

“I think you scare her a little,” Bokuto added.  “She’s always really wary of you.”

“Ueda and I have an agreement,” Tooru said distractedly.  “She’s supposed to keep her nail bitten fingers out of my business and I keep my observations regarding her life to myself.”

If she noticed then he figured he has, at most, a month to pull his shit together enough to appease her.  A month was generous.  It was probably closer to two weeks.  Which meant he  _ had _ to have something sorted out in terms of his family and this weird not-pressure eating away at him when he came back home each time alone and it had to be done by the time he came home from the long weekend.  Which meant he had two days to figure out what the hell he was going to do.

That sense of panic was crawling over him as he tried to figure out what to do.  How he was going to find someone to take home for the weekend and convince his parents they don’t need to worry that he was going to waste away unhappy and unfulfilled.  How he was going to do that when he still had physics homework to get through and a quiz in one of his astronomy classes tomorrow and a round in the weight room tomorrow as well and another practice to get through.  How he was going to do anything when he was so tired right then he could barely keep his eyes open.  There was too much to do and not nearly enough hours to do them and he needed to be alert.  He needed coffee, caffeine.  Not tea.

He was surprised by the sudden yawn that cracks his jaw and he stared sleepily - and suspiciously - at Bokuto still lounging against his door frame.

“Did you drug me or something?”

Bokuto let out a surprised laugh and rolled his eyes.  “I made you tea.  It has like chamomile and spearmint and lavender and other stuff to help you relax and sleep.  I dunno Yaku bought it a few days ago and told me to make us all some tonight.  It’s pretty good, right?”

“I am so tired now,” Tooru whined.  “I have too much to do to sleep now.  This is your fault.”

Bokuto took the empty mug from Tooru’s hand and shook his head.

“Get some sleep.  Wake me up in the morning for physics homework.”

 

Tooru didn’t wake up refreshed and ready to meet the day like some of his roommates usually did but by the time he got back with a large coffee he was more or less fully awake and had a plan mostly figured out.  Or at least started.

He perched on the corner of Bokuto’s bed and sipped at his coffee while he poked at Bokuto through his blankets until he grumbled something and blinked blearily up at Tooru.

“Wha-?”

“You are going to help me out with one of my problems,” he declared.

“’Kay.”  Bokuto’s voice was rough with sleep and Tooru wasn’t sure he was even entirely awake right then.

“You are coming home with me this weekend.”

“Hmm okay.  Do I have to get up for physics homework yet?”

That was.  Far easier than Tooru had expected it to be.

“We can probably wait another hour.  You don’t have your 10AM today right?”  Bokuto shook his head sleepily and burrowed into the pillow next to Tooru’s hip.  “I’ll wake you up in a little bit.  Don’t worry.”

“’M not.  You’re here. ‘S’all good.”

Yaku stuck his head in a few minutes later while Tooru was scrolling through his phone.

“I smelled your coffee but figured you didn’t grab actual food yet so I snagged a couple bowls of fruit and yogurt and stuff from the kitchens for us all.”

“Aw you’re so sweet Yaku.  My mother would love you for taking such good care of me,” Tooru replied softly.  Bokuto snorted loudly in his sleep and rolled away from them to bury his face in his pillow.  Tooru and Yaku looked at each other and rolled their eyes in unison.

“It’s more self preservation than anything,” Yaku admitted as he handed over a bowl of fruit.  “You two are bad enough when hungry.  The last thing I want to deal with is taking care of either of you while you’re sick because you never eat properly.  That and the fact you two are about the only ones on the team I can tolerate.”

Tooru nodded in agreement, frown scrunching his face.  The team, while strong and committed, left a bit to be desired in terms of camaraderie and friendships.

But that was a concern for another day.  Maybe once he got through the next week or so.

First he had to get through classes and homework and practice and pack for the weekend and field whatever questions Bokuto would no doubt have about why he was coming home with Tooru for the weekend and survive the actual weekend with his family.

He was so screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

His family was wonderful and amazing and supportive, he explained to Bokuto while they watched the scenery blur past the train windows.  They were also, he explained, very intent on seeing him happy and healthy.  He also couldn’t bear hearing the tiny sad soft not quite sigh that he knew his mother wouldn’t be able to help letting out when he showed up back home without someone at his side but he kept that part to himself.  

Instead he took a deep breath and blurted out, “I’m going to introduce you as my boyfriend when we get there.”

“Um.  Okay?”  Bokuto scratched his head through the pale blue beanie he had pulled on that morning after Tooru had dragged him out of bed at just after seven.  “Did I miss something?  I know I’m still kind of groggy but am I having a dumb day too?”

“Oh.  No.  No no no.”  Tooru rubbed his palm against his forehead.  He was going to have a killer headache by the end of the night thanks primarily to how little sleep he had gotten the night before and the pressure was already starting to creep in.  “You didn’t miss anything.  I just.  I need someone to introduce to my parents and the rest of whatever family will be there so they will stop asking me constantly when I am going to bring someone special home.  Then maybe I can get back to focusing on my classes and volleyball again.”

Bokuto’s face lit up as realization dawned on him and he let out a breathy, “Oh.”  His hands flapped in the air a little while he gestured vaguely at Tooru.  “This is the thing right?  The one you need to sort out before Ueda talks to Coach?” Tooru nodded and Bokuto flopped back into his seat, bumping their shoulders together.  “Why didn’t you just say so?”

“It doesn’t bother you to be my fake boyfriend for the weekend?”

“No?  Not like it’s the first time I’ve done it.”  At Tooru’s confused look Bokuto laughed.  “Oh that’s right you wouldn’t know you weren’t friends with us back then.  Dude.  Kuroo and I?  We fake dated for like half of high school.  We started cause his parents were fucking assholes and just kind of kept it up cause it was fun.  Well at the end it was less fake dating and more just friends who cuddled the fuck out of each other and got ice cream a lot.”

“Oh,” Tooru replied.  He had known for awhile now that Bokuto was full of surprises.  He kind of reminded Tooru of a choose your own adventure book that he once read straight through instead of skipping through the adventures: confusing and rarely made complete sense, except when it was so sensible it was like a revelation, but one of the most entertaining things he had ever experienced.

“Do you have any actual plans or like a story or are we just winging it?”  Tooru gave him a blank stare and Bokuto laughed again and jostled Tooru’s arm with his elbow.  “Don’t worry about it.  I’m good at improvisation.”

“Good.  Because to be honest about the only thing I have managed to plan out is introducing you as my boyfriend and attempting to survive the weekend.”  He leaned his head back and lightly smacked it into the window behind him.  This wasn’t like him.  While he had finally started to accept that there were things he couldn’t control he didn’t like leaving quite this much up to chance.  He had known that university wouldn’t be like high school even with how much pressure he put on himself back in high school but he hadn’t quite expected to be this exhausted by everything.  Whatever waves of worries that used to try and drown him had receded so much his final year of high school that he had nearly forgotten what they felt like.

He definitely remembered now.  Crushing self doubt.  Worry over what his family will think of his choices.  The hollowness of too much Tooru and not enough of anything to fill him up.  He was just so tired.

Bokuto nudged him again.  “I know what stop we need if you want to try to rest.  Even if you just wanna shut your eyes and zone out for awhile.”

“What about you?”  He had been too wired to think about sleeping when they first sat down.  Too worried about springing the idea on Bokuto and him refusing and having to face the weekend alone.  But now… now sleeping seemed like an amazing idea.  The slight sway and steady hum of the train mixed with the morning light warming him up were a perfect combination to lull him into a doze and suddenly his eyelids felt  like they were made of marble.

“I’m not tired anymore.  And I’m in the middle of a screenshot war with Sawamura and Akaashi over which one of us has more incriminating snaps of Kuroo saved so I’ll have company.  Rest if you want.  I’m here, I got this.”  Bokuto’s reassuring grin was the grin of a captain, of an ace, of someone who regularly took the world on his broad shoulders without hesitation and Tooru let his eyes flutter shut.

 

The colors swirled and danced and tried to drag him under remnants of thoughts and scraps of worries and blankets of fears.  It wasn’t the first time this dream had washed over his sleeping mind and he doubted it would be the last even as he waded through the dream, still asleep.  It wasn’t odd for him that he knew it was a dream.  Mostly because it still threatened to overwhelm him and drag his flaws to the surface no matter what.  He might know he was dreaming but unfortunately there was no way he could control it.

Bokuto laughed mockingly at him from his parent’s front steps, getting some kind of morbid enjoyment out of seeing Tooru trembling with worry over facing down his family.  His parents stared at him with disappointment brimming in their eyes like a dam about to burst.  Takeru scoffed at him and turned his back on Tooru as he tripped over nothing but his own insecurities piled up at his feet and his knees hit a ground that didn’t bite at them but instead oozed up around him and slowly pulled him under.

Ah there it was.  His old friend crippling self doubt waiting for him with open arms when he fell from the ooze and crumbled to the ground.  It looked down at him with wide brown eyes and tousled hair as it sighed softly at him.

“Tooru, Tooru, Tooru,” it tsked.  “You can’t hide me away forever you know.”

His shoulder twitched when something warm wrapped around it.

“I’m there every time you look in a mirror,” it continued as the world around it grew bright and bleary.  “I’ll see you soon.”

 

“Hey, Oikawa?”  Bokuto’s face came into focus slowly as Tooru blinked at him.  “We’re almost at our stop.  Man you were really out of it.  You must have crashed pretty hard.”  

He continued to chatter until their stop came and they got off the train.  He kept going as Tooru led them out of the station and started the walk to his childhood home but it didn’t really bother Tooru any.  Bokuto’s voice was a buzz of noise in the background and he was lost to the fuzziness of his own thoughts.  At least until Bokuto caught his elbow and tugged at it to get his attention.

“What?”  Oikawa glanced around the quiet neighborhood, about a block from their destination, and then focused on Bokuto.  “Something wrong?  Did you change your mind or something?”  It would suck but he wouldn’t blame Bokuto if he did, Tooru had practically kidnapped him after all.  He would just have to figure out something else to tell his family to get them to leave him alone for a little bit.

“What?  No.  I was asking if there was anything you wanted to go over before we got there?  Like PDA or holding hands or what we call each other?”  Tooru stared at him blankly and Bokuto laughed at him.  He wondered how many times Bokuto would laugh at him fondly before the end of the day and then wondered why that didn’t bother him as much as it would have before.  Maybe Mattsun had been right when told Tooru at the beginning of the year that roommates who weren’t from Seijoh and didn’t know Tooru’s weird ass quirks would mellow him out a little eventually.

“I haven’t mentioned dating anyone or anything so probably just go with our family names and if they say anything tell them we haven’t been dating long.  Same for any touching or PDA or whatever.  If they know we’re new they won’t expect us to be one hundred percent comfortable with PDA especially around family.”  He shrugged.  “As for the rest of any of it?  I have no idea.  I didn’t even know I was dragging you with me until a couple days ago.  I just want a conversation with my parents that doesn’t revolve around when I’m going to find someone to share things in my life with now that all my friends are all in different places.”

Bokuto tugged gently on his elbow.  “Hey.  It’ll be fine.  You’re Oikawa Tooru.  You’ll be fine.”  His grin was infectious and Tooru found himself smiling back  “Though get used to hugs cause I am a cuddly person.  I’ve just been restraining myself at the dorms because I don’t know you very well and Yaku likes to kick because he is not a cuddly person.”  Bokuto nodded decisively and slid his hand down to Tooru’s wrist.  “So if it’s cool with you I’m gonna hold your hand til we get to your house because I don’t look like it but I’m kind of nervous to meet your parents and I need a hand to hold.”

Oikawa twisted his wrist so his hand slid into Bokuto’s.  “Why are you nervous?”

“Because these people gave birth to and raised Oikawa Tooru?  You’re pretty freaking impressive you know.  A little scary at times.  But, man, I read the articles about you.  Don’t tell Akaashi cause he thinks I just look at the magazines for the pictures and for the articles about me which, I do, but not the point.  You’re cool and a little scary and intense and way smart and just yeah.  Anyone who raised you has to be just as amazing and intimidating and I’m just me.”

“You’re not so bad yourself, Bokuto.”  They stopped in front of Tooru’s childhood home and both took a deep breath.  Tooru raised his hand towards the door and then paused.  “Before I forget.  Thank you.”

“Thank me after the weekend is over.”  Bokuto winked at him and then suddenly reached out and knocked loudly before Tooru could do anything.  He stuck his tongue out and wiggled his eyebrows when Tooru’s mouth dropped open in surprise.

Tooru’s mother opened the front door to the sight of her son with a hand over his mouth barely containing his laughter, amusement dancing in his eyes, cheeks flushed, and another young man looking smug and proud to have put that look on her son’s face.

“Tooru!”  She exclaimed.  “You’re earlier than I expected.  But you didn’t have to knock silly.”

His mother’s hugs were one of his favorite things in the world and he gladly stepped into her embrace, only realizing that he was still holding onto Bokuto’s hand when he had to let go so he could wrap his arms around his mother’s shoulders.

“It was Bokuto not me,” Tooru muttered a little sheepishly when she finally let him go.

“And Bokuto is?”  She teased and Tooru’s face flushed.

“Bokuto Koutarou, ma’am.”  Bokuto bowed and gave Tooru’s mother one of his brightest smiles.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“What a polite young man.”  His mother smiled in return at Bokuto and bowed her head.  “It’s always a pleasure to meet one of Tooru’s friends.”

“Boyfriend,” Tooru blurted out.  

Her brows rose in surprise and she let out a delighted laugh.  “Boyfriend,” she amended.  “Well come in boys.  Tooru why don’t you take your and Bokuto’s things to your room and I’ll give him a quick tour.  Oh and your father is in his office so be sure to stop in and let him know you and your boyfriend are here.”

She was already splitting them up, sending him off and delaying him by making him get his father instead of just calling out to him.  He tried to give Bokuto an apologetic look but Bokuto was already laughing at something his mother was saying and following her deeper into the house.  He just had to trust that Bokuto would manage whatever interrogation tactics she was about to use on him.  He felt a little guilty for not letting Bokuto have more time to prepare and for not giving him any information to work with in terms of his parent’s tactics.  But it’s not like he’d ever brought anyone home to meet them before so there wouldn’t have been much he could have told him to begin with.  So he just did what his mother said to do and dragged their stuff into his room.

His bed was a familiar comfort and he happily distracted himself for a few minutes by falling into it face down and burying his head under his pillows and grumbling to himself about how much of a mess his entire life had become.  He wasn’t sure how he was going to survive the weekend, even with Bokuto there as his boyfriend for backup.  Bringing him along like he did was a potential disaster that he was only just then realizing.  Apparently university life has been draining him a lot more the he had thought.  It wasn’t like him to put so little thought into what he did.

 

He meant to sprawl on his bed for maybe five minutes.  So when his father knocked on his door and he jolted awake he was reasonably confused and for a moment he was twelve years old again and sleeping far too late and ready to bolt out of the house because he had plans with Iwa-chan and they only had so many hours in the day to hang out.  He managed to roll to his feet with a groan that was more fitting for someone at least twice his age before his father chuckled at him and then Bokuto leaned into view from the hallway and peered into his room curiously.

“You planning to join us any time today, son?  Or are you just going to sleep your weekend away?”  His father teased.  Tooru rolled his eyes and gestured for Bokuto to come in.

“I told them they should let you sleep it away,” Bokuto said with a grin as he stepped past Tooru and dropped onto the edge of his bed.  “But I was vetoed.  Your mother’s kind of scary.  I see where you get it,” Bokuto added in a loud whisper before he flopped onto his back.

His father shook his head.  “Okay well your mother wants you to go grocery shopping with her since you’re here early.”

“Now?”

“She said she’d come get you when she was ready to go.  Probably a half hour or so.”

Tooru’s father left them with a wave and Tooru collapsed back onto his bed, nearly landing on Bokuto.  Who only laughed and rearranged himself so he was curled around Tooru. almost touching but not quite.  He wanted to ask what his mother and father had talked to Bokuto about, wanted to ask what time it was and how long he had been asleep, wanted to ask again if Bokuto really minded all of this and how he could possibly  _ not _ mind it, wanted to ask if Bokuto had been planning to go home himself for the weekend, wanted to ask again just why Bokuto was doing this for him.  Instead he watched Bokuto twist onto his back as he studied his ceiling, watched the ways his eyes darted around and the way his forehead scrunched before he turned to Tooru and gestured up.

“Did you set all that up yourself?”

Tooru held Bokuto’s bright gold gaze for a breath and then rolled onto his back, eyes drifting along the glittering stars painted on his dark ceiling.  Painted because at eleven years old he had been too cool for glow in the dark stickers or plastic stars and had begged his parents for weeks and months to let him paint the constellations up there instead.

“Yeah,” he said.  “Iwa-chan and I did them the summer we were eleven.  They’re real constellations.”  Bokuto nodded.  He pointed at a few different ones and Tooru told him what they were and then he pointed at a splootchy spot near his window.  “What’s that one?”

“That,” Tooru announced proudly, “is Robinus Major.”

“Robinus Major?”  Bokuto rolled back onto his side.  “I don’t remember hearing about that one before.”

“Ah.  Robinus Major is a very important constellation.  It tells the story of the day a young man lost focus and was saved by his friend.  It is a very epic tale.”

“I don’t know.  I prefer the version where the boy was devastated and crying because he thought he ruined his painting but his best friend was there and poked him in the face with his paintbrush until his tears turned to laughter.”

“Mother,” Tooru whined.

“Tooru,” she cooed in reply from the doorway.  “Are you boys ready to run to the grocery store for me?”

“Yes.”  Tooru rolled off his bed and got to his feet much more gracefully this time.  “If only because I’m afraid that if I leave Bokuto here with you much longer he’ll run away from me screaming into the night thanks to the stories you’re bound to tell him.  I’m surprised he’s still here considering the ones I’m sure you already told him about me.”

His mother tsked at him and held out a tiny envelope filled with money and her shopping list.  “Now, now my little bird.  Don’t fret.  We haven’t dragged out the photo albums yet.”

“Yeah,” Bokuto said as he stood next to Tooru and grinned, “she said we had to wait until your sister got here before we could do that.”

“Great.  At least let me have dinner before you mock me to death.”

“No promises.”  Bokuto grabbed his wrist and tugged him out of his room back to the front door.


	3. Chapter 3

Tooru had made this walk to the grocery store hundreds of thousands of times throughout his life.  His first solo mission where he got to cross roads and travel all by himself had been along these same sidewalks to this same store.  He and Makki and Mattsun and Hajime had made so many trips to this store that he can barely remember a fraction of them.  He had found this store blinded by rain and sunshine and tears.  If cement could talk this one could recite the memory of his treads and skinned knees and scraped palms and boisterous laughter from his earliest days right up until now.

But he had never walked this path holding hands with someone who wasn’t his mother or sister.

He had never in his life held a hand that was quite this wide and calloused and warm in his own.

Honestly he couldn’t actually remember the last time he held anyone’s hand.  Since starting university he had been far too busy to even bother trying to go out with anyone, not for a lack of trying on his fanclub’s part, and even before then the last - and really only - serious girlfriend he had back in high school had been just before the start of his third year.  It felt nice.  Warm and secure.  A feeling he hadn’t even really known he was missing out on.

Bokuto slowed to a stop outside the store and squeezed his hand lightly.

“Is it okay?”  Bokuto had tangled their fingers together as they left Tooru’s house, Tooru’s mother telling them they didn’t have to rush back since the others weren’t expected until well after lunch, and he hadn’t let go even once they were well out of view.  “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.  I just, like I said, I like this kind of stuff.  I’m a, what did Akaashi tell me?  Tactile person?”

Tooru’s phone buzzed in his pocket and pulled it out with his free hand.

_ There’s some extra money in the envelope.   _ The message from Tooru’s mother read.   _ Take that sweet boy of yours out for lunch and relax a little. _

Of course his mother would know almost exactly how long it would take them to reach the store and waited until they arrived to send her message.  Any sooner and he would have declined and any later he might have missed it.  Bokuto was right.  His mother was kind of scary, but in the best way.

“Change of plans,” he explained as he pulled Bokuto past the store towards a cafe he remembered being just down the block.  “Apparently my mother is sending us out on a date as well as a grocery run.”  He squeezed Bokuto’s hand in reassurance.  “And I don’t mind.  I’m just a little out of practice with casual touches I guess.”

Bokuto whined.  “Tell me about it.  I like our team but there’s really not much there for, I dunno, friendliness?  Camaraderie?  I dunno how to explain it.”

“No I get it,” Tooru assured him as they took a seat in a booth near the back corner.  “I’m used to more high fives and shoulder claps and jokes too.  I want to say that it’s just cause we’re the new guys on the team and all that-”

“-but even the upperclassmen don’t seem all that close either?”  The menu in Bokuto’s hands flexed and shined as he played with it nervously.  Tooru glanced at his own menu and then plucked Bokuto’s out of his fidgeting hands, setting them aside and tangling their fingers together on the tabletop instead.  Bokuto stared at their hands for a moment before he gave Tooru a bright smile.  “I just miss it sometimes you know?  Yukie - our manager - and I used to just practically sit on top of each other all the time during breaks and she and Akaashi used to fight over who got to eat my leftovers and the other third years and I would do stupid stuff together.”  

He got quiet when the waitress stopped by.  They gave their orders and then Tooru sighed once she left.

“Like I said.  I get it.  I promise I do.  My team was practically my family - don’t tell them I said that I will deny it I swear.”  Bokuto laughed again, that bright cheerful thing that seemed to make Tooru’s heart feel lighter, and Tooru smiled in return.  “It’s so strange to go from something so close to something that feels so formal sometimes.”

As they talked about their teams and whatever other random topics came to mind while they ate Tooru realized that it was something that despite being roommates and teammates and classmates for months now they hadn’t really bothered doing.  There was a lot he had picked up just by living with Bokuto and being on the same team and sharing a couple of their classes but there was a lot more that had just never had a chance to come up before.  By the time they finally got back to the store and Tooru was stuck trying to divert Bokuto’s attention from both the cereal and chip aisle (both of which contained nothing on his mother’s list but Bokuto insisted on trying to wander down anyway) he almost felt like he was holding the hand of an entirely different person than when he left his house just a couple hours earlier.

They were still the same people they were when Tooru crawled out of bed that morning.  But when Bokuto started laughing at the packaging of a bag of chips Tooru couldn’t help but smile along because he understood the reason behind the unbridled joy in Bokuto’s eyes, he knew the story behind the fit of giggles that Bokuto devolved into and when Tooru eyed the display of quick snacks longingly Bokuto understood and slipped a package of milk bread into the basket and insisted on paying for it with his own money since he knew Tooru’s mother was concerned about her son’s almost unhealthy obsession with milk bread.  They were still the same people but somehow just then Tooru found it easier to just let Bokuto take all the bags when he insisted on carrying them and instead of arguing over it he simply took Bokuto’s hand again and started adding a new layer of memories to his walk home.

 

Oikawa Tooru was not sitting on the couch in his childhood home pouting while his family laughed and told horrendously outrageously totally untrue stories about him as a child.  He was not.  Not at all.

He was.  But he was not going to admit it to anyone.  Not even his fake boyfriend sitting next to him with a photo album open on his lap and his shoulder pressed against Tooru’s.  He was happy to see his family happy, even if it was at his expense and logically he knew that it would only be a matter of time until they got to Momoko’s photos or Takeru’s and it would be their turn in the fire.  But it still ate at him to listen to them laughing while he pasted a smile on his face that was seconds away from shattering.  He hopped to his feet and waved away their questions with some airy explanation about remembering he promised to call and talk to Yahaba about something important that afternoon.  In reality he just slipped out the back door and settled onto the edge of their porch with a deep breath of relief at the quiet.

Sadly he only had a few minutes alone to appreciate the silence and try to get the tension headache threatening to overwhelm him under control before the door opened and his sister joined him on the porch.  Contrary to popular belief both Oikawa siblings could enjoy and appreciate quiet and they sat side by side without saying anything for a few more minutes just watching the breeze rustle the leaves in the backyard until a rumble of laughter made its way out of the house and Momoko lightly nudged him with her elbow.

“So,” she said, amusement dancing in her brown eyes nearly a mirror image of his own.  “Congrats on expressing your preferences in possibly the most somehow subtle yet obvious way possible.”  After turning the sentence over in his head a few times he gave her a confused look.  “I didn’t know you liked guys too.  And I’m pretty sure our parents didn’t either.”

His eyes widened.  “Oh.”

“You didn’t even think about that did you?”  Momoko pressed a hand to her lips as she started laughing, high and light and joyful and Tooru couldn’t even be upset at it.  “Oh, Tooru.  That’s just like you.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked.  He could feel the blush painting his cheeks and when she finally stopped laughing and smiled fondly at him while studying his face it just got worse.

“For all that you primp and pout and pick and line things up all nice and neat you are, at heart, a spring storm.  You roll in and do your thing without really making concrete plans and somehow come out fresh in the end if occasionally a little damp.”  She shook her head and leaned back on her hands to study the clouds in the sky.  “So of course you show up this weekend and not only bring someone home with you for the first time ever you bring home a guy when none of us even knew you had preferences like that.  Or, honestly, if you had any interest in people like that at all,” she added softly.  Before he could ask what she meant the door slammed open behind them and Takeru ran out with Bokuto on his heels.

Bokuto grabbed Takeru around the waist and tossed him into the air, catching him gently against his shoulder, and they both filled the backyard with laughter as they traipsed around it, carefully avoiding Tooru’s mother’s flowerbed in the center.  Tooru watched them idly, eyes glazing over as they roughhoused and laughed and grunted and did whatever it was they were doing, but his mind was now running around with the fact that he hadn’t even thought about the fact Bokuto was male.  It didn’t change anything about anything really.  But he never even considered what kind of impact that might have on his family.  He never thought about what his parents might think or what Takeru’s friends might say when he brags about all the fun he had with his uncle and his uncle’s boyfriend over the weekend.

His sister was right.  He really didn’t think things through at all.  This weekend was going to be the death of him.

“You’re awfully quiet all stuck up in your head there,” Momoko said.  She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and gave him a quick hug.  “It’s fine.  Obviously none of us care at all.  We just want to see you happy.”

“Hey watch this,” Takeru and Bokuto shouted in unison and Tooru focused in on them with a smile curling his lips despite the thoughts whirling around him.

“And seeing as how I’m your big sister and I like to think I know you pretty well I would say he makes you pretty happy.  Or at least he makes you less of a weirdo stick in the mud about things not going the way you want them to.  Since I’m guessing not much has so far this weekend.”

“You could have just stuck with the first sentence and been good.”

“I could have yeah.”  Momoko’s phone chimed with a new message.  Her face lit up when she checked it.  She shook Tooru’s shoulder a little and inhaled squeakily before she hopped to her feet and dusted herself off.  “Akiko’s here finally.”

“Akiko?” Tooru wondered aloud.  His sister hurried back into the house and left him alone once again.  Though it wasn’t quiet this time with Bokuto and Takeru laughing and shouting and running around the yard.  He should probably tell Bokuto to be careful and not let Takeru stand on his shoulders just to see how high they can jump.  He takes a picture or three of them instead; he never claimed to be a model example of responsibility after all.  That kind of went away when passed on his captain title to Yahaba.  The sun was just starting to set when he figured he should at least get them to come closer to where the porch light would be turning on soon so they weren’t gallivanting around in the dark and the door opened once again and a lady he had never seen before stepped out with Momoko right behind her.

“Okay, so,” Momoko started almost nervously and Tooru stood, stomach sinking in sudden realization, “this is Saito Akiko, my girlfriend.  Akiko this is my little brother Tooru and his recently acquired boyfriend Bokuto Koutarou.  And you already know the little runt, of course.”  Takeru squeezed past Tooru and launched himself at Akiko, who caught him just as easily as Tooru had when Takeru greeted him the same way that afternoon.

“And you called me subtle yet obvious?” Tooru sniped at his sister, a rush of emotions and worries and anger rolling over him.  Bokuto’s palm pressed against his lower back as he joined them at the porch.

“Hey,” Bokuto said softly.  Tooru dropped his gaze to the dusty steps and swallowed hard.

“Sorry,” he muttered.  “You know me,” he added, looking at his sister, “spring storm and all that.”

“I’m considering upgrading you to a summer squall.”  She watched him for a moment, they all did, and he stared between them at the back door.

“Wanna take a walk or something to wind down before we go back inside for the night?”

“We’ll head back in.”  Momoko nodded at them and ushered Akiko and Takeru inside.  “Take your time.”

Bokuto settled onto the porch steps while Tooru tried to take a few deep breaths and get over whatever the hell just tried to swarm over him.  When it didn’t work he stomped his foot in frustration and bounced in place.  After his third sigh Bokuto reached out and tugged on his pants until he stumbled over and collapsed onto the step below Bokuto.  It was awkward at first, this was the closest he could remember being to Bokuto with the exception of the occasional victory hug after a practice match, but it didn’t take him long to settle fairly comfortably with his back pressed against Bokuto’s chest and Bokuto’s knees bracketing him.  Bokuto dropped his chin to the top of Tooru’s head while they sat in silence.

Tooru fished his phone out of his pocket and pulled up the Seijoh group chat.

 

**Tooru:** omgomgomgomg I need help 

**soft makki gentle makki:** ?

**my one and only meme:** ??

**soft makki gentle makki:** ???

**Tooru:** my sister has a girlfriend and I have no one here to intimidate here where is iwa-chan when I neeeeed him

**Tooru:** iwa-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

 

Bokuto snorted.

“It’s impolite to read other people’s messages.”

“It’s kind of impolite to snap at your sister’s girlfriend and not even greet her properly.”

Bokuto was right.  It didn’t really make him feel any better though.   
  


**Tooru:** iwaizumi hajime where are you in my time of need

**angry pupper:** fucking hell someone find Iwaizumi please and shut him up

**Tooru:** iwa-chaaaaaaa

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ:** OIKAWA SHUT UP WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT

**Tooru:** oh good.  

**Tooru:** Iwa-chan this is life or death.  

**Tooru:** Momoko brought home a girlfriend and I need you here to intimidate her with me

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ:** your shitty personality should be enough to intimidate her.  if she stays then she's a keeper

**soft makki gentle makki:** #letMomokodate2k17

**my one and only meme:** #letMomokodate2k17

**slightly less demonic child:** #letMomokodate2k17

**soft makki gentle makki:** Kunimi!  stealing Kindaichi’s phone again?

**slightly less demonic child:** he’s busy doing something

**my one and only meme:**  is that something Kozume?

**soft makki gentle makki:** you mean Kozume right?

**my one and only meme:** ayyyyyyyy

**soft makki gentle makki:** *finger guns*

**Tooru:** thank you all for your help.  you are all truly my friends.

**Tooru:** your support means so much ro me

**Tooru:** to*

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ** : ro

**soft makki gentle makki:** ro

 

Tooru growled and shoved his phone back in his pocket.

“Hey,” Bokuto poked gently at his side until Tooru flinched away and slapped his hand lightly.  “Hey,” Bokuto cooed.  “Hey Oikawa.”

“What?”

“I will defend your honor.”

“What?” Tooru asked flatly.

Bokuto leapt up, leaving Tooru to sprawl awkwardly and watch as he hopped up the steps.

“I got this.  I’ll fight her.  Don’t worry.  I’ll help you.”

He was gone before Tooru could stop him.  A moment later the words sank in and Tooru scrambled to his feet to chase after him.

“You.  Me.  Arm wrestling.  Right now.”  Tooru froze in the doorway at the sight of Bokuto pointing at his sister’s girlfriend - who was leaning against the counter with half a sandwich in her hand and slowly chewing the bite in her mouth as she watched him - and propping his other fist on his hip dramatically.

“Bokuto,” he hissed, mortified.

“Don’t worry babe.”  Bokuto grinned at Tooru over his shoulder.  “I got this.”

Tooru caught Akiko’s gaze.  “I am so sorry.  I don’t know why he’s doing this.”

“Hey I am an intimidating figure.  I can help.  And I challenge her to an arm wrestling contest.”

Tooru wasn’t sure which was worse: Bokuto challenging his sister’s girlfriend to an arm wrestling contest in his parent’s kitchen or Akiko setting her sandwich down with a smile and accepting Bokuto’s challenge.

 

“Holy shit,” he muttered to himself.  They had been going at it for close to twenty minutes and were in the middle of best three out of five and Tooru really wasn’t sure what he was or wasn’t supposed to be feeling about it.  One one hand he was rather pleased that Bokuto was willing to ‘fight’ for him but on the other he was embarrassed as hell that his ‘boyfriend’ was currently in the middle of something so juvenile and ridiculous.  Though the muscles on display from both parties were rather impressive.  Akiko didn’t look like she’d be able to hold up against Bokuto at first.  She was all  graceful lines and soft smiles and long dark hair and sparkling green eyes.  But she didn’t seem to be having much of a problem.

Momoko, on the other hand, seemed to be having a very serious problem, potentially a heart one, considering how red her face got when she came into the kitchen and spotted the action.

“I, uh, um.  I put Takeru to bed on the couch in the fort he built earlier with Bokuto.”

Bokuto glanced at her and grinned at the announcement then turned back and narrowed his eyes at Akiko.

“Not gonna win this one,” he declared.

“We’ll see.”  She was cool and confident despite the red flush of her face and the slight sheen of sweat on her brow.  Though Bokuto was in about the same state so really Tooru had no idea who was going to actually win this one.

Momoko leaned against the counter next to Tooru and fanned herself.  “Either way I think we’re the ones who are really winning,”she said.  She bit the corner of her lip as her eyes darted along Akiko’s face and arms and hands and whined softly.  “Holy hell I think we have a type Tooru.”

He blinked at her a few times and then glanced at the table and made a non-committal noise.  They both had impressive arm muscles and were both determined to win this dumb competition but other than that he didn’t see what kind of type they supposedly were.

Bokuto’s hand hit the table with a loud thump and Momoko started clapping for Akiko.  She swooped over and kissed Akiko’s cheek, both of them blushing at the action, and Tooru rolled his eyes.  Bokuto leaned back in his chair and pouted at Tooru until he sighed and stepped close enough to start patting his head consolingly.

“Best four out of seven?” Akiko offered with a cheeky grin as Momoko declared that her girlfriend was the best partner here.  Tooru met Bokuto’s eyes and nodded.  No way were they letting that claim go without a fight.

“Definitely.”  Bokuto set his elbow on the table and wiggled his fingers at Akiko.  “You’re on.”

 

They were on the deciding match when Tooru’s parents shuffled in somewhere just after midnight.  His father blinked blearily at them while his mother tied her robe shut and shook her head.

“So that’s what the racket is,” his father said.

“Well at least it’s not drinking or drugs,” his mother replied, leaning back against his chest with a fond smile on her face when Momoko started chanting encouragement and Tooru tried to reach over to cover her mouth.

Momoko couldn’t pull Tooru’s hand from her mouth and she caught his gaze with a look that he recognized with a gross sense of panic.  He didn’t get his hand pulled away before she licked a disgusting wet slobby patch right against his palm and he jerked back from her.  He stepped back further than he meant to and wound up stepping on Bokuto’s foot and losing his balance, flailing backwards and landing in Bokuto’s lap.  The table bit into his side even as Bokuto sat back in surprise and dropped Akiko’s hand.  Momoko leaned forward to pull her girlfriend into a kiss before either of the contestants hands actually hit the table.

“Well,” Tooru’s mother said.  “I think that’s a draw.”

Bokuto buried his face into Tooru’s shoulder to muffle his laughter at, most likely, the disgusted look on Tooru’s face as he tried to reach across the table to wipe his hand off on his sister’s shirt.  She retaliated by crawling into Akiko’s lap and sticking her tongue out at Tooru.

“Children,” their father said after a few minutes of everyone trying not to burst out laughing.  “I haven’t had to say this in years.  But I think it’s time for you all to go to bed.”

“Just remember,” their mother added, “you’re all sleeping on either side of our room and we have thin walls so behave yourselves.”

The blush on his face mirrored the one on his sister’s as they gasped in unison, “Mother!”

“I’m just saying.  Your father and I are older.  We need our sleep.  We don’t need to be kept up by any hanky panky happening.”  

He turned and buried his face into Bokuto’s hair.

“Goodnight children,” his father said as he ushered his mother out of the kitchen.

They all echoed back soft goodnights and sleep wells and then sat in mortification of what had just been implied.

By the time Akiko and Momoko got up and waved goodnight Tooru was too tired to move and he mumbled as much into the soft tufts of Bokuto’s hair.  Which of course meant that Bokuto wrapped his arms around Tooru’s waist and stood without warning so that Tooru yelped and wrapped his legs around Bokuto’s waist instinctively.  Tooru blindly hit the kitchen light as Bokuto carried him out of the kitchen down the hallway to his bedroom.  He would die of embarrassment if he wasn’t so tired and warm.

When they were finally curled up together in his bed, with him tucked against Bokuto’s chest, he realized that he actually enjoyed the last few hours.  It had been years since he had really enjoyed spending that much time with his sister and he had Bokuto and Akiko to thank for that.  He just hoped that contentment and enjoyment would follow him to sleep and color his dreams.

  
  


His hopes were futile.  Just like every other thing he had tried to get rid of that annoying mirror of himself in his dreams, in his mind, in his soul.

“Told you I’d see you soon,” it cooed and embraced him.  “One decent day is nowhere near enough to hide me away, Tooru.”

Bokuto’s mocking laughter floated out from the open windows of  Tooru’s childhood home.  Joined now by Momoko’s and Akiko’s.  Takeru watched him from the front window with disappointment written across his face.  Disappointment that Tooru knew was oozing around his sneakers and tangling slimy claws into his jeans and weaving around his chest like poisoned ivy.  A palm flattened against his chest and warmth bloomed through him.  Little rivulets of something he couldn’t quite define traveled through his veins and his eyelids fluttered open to reveal his dark bedroom.

Bokuto was pressed against his back and his hand was splayed across Tooru’s chest, holding him close.  The steady brush of Bokuto’s soft snores against the back of his neck tickled but it was reassuring too.  It reminded him of Seijoh training camps and of sleepovers with Makki and Mattsun and Hajime and of, more recently, falling asleep on the couch and waking up to Bokuto pulling a blanket over him or Yaku plugging his phone in to charge for him.  It was comforting.

Tooru fell back asleep with thoughts of friendship and acceptance dancing around his mind.

The next time he woke up he could tell it was early morning from the way the light filtered in through his eyelids.  Bokuto was still pressed against his back but was talking softly to someone else and for a moment Tooru was sure that his dreams had twisted that warm moment into something mocking and harsh.  But then Takeru laughed quietly and Akiko murmured something and Tooru heard his bedroom door shut and he relaxed in Bokuto’s arms as the realization that this wasn’t a dream sunk in.

“Ready to face the day?”

Tooru groaned and buried his face into his pillow.

“No.”

Warmth spread from where Bokuto’s laugh brushed the back of his neck straight down to his fingers and toes.  “Then sleep a bit more if you want.  Those two were just letting me know they were helping your mother make breakfast and asked if we wanted anything special.”

“Don’t wanna sleep,” Tooru whined.  It was unbecoming of someone his age, he knew, but really didn’t care just then.  “Just wanna lay here awhile.  It’s warm and you all keep pointing out how tired I apparently am so I am staying here and resting but I am not going back to sleep so shush.”

Bokuto’s arm tightened around his waist and pressed himself tight against Tooru’s back.

“Hey,” he whispered reassuringly.  “You don’t need to explain the joys of an extra half hour of dozing to me.  I am all for it.  We’ll stay here until they come get us for breakfast.  Okay?”

“How are you real?”  Tooru muttered as he snuggled back into the warmth under the blankets.

“Magic,” Bokuto whispered back.


	4. Chapter 4

Tooru was curled contently on Bokuto’s lap listening to his sister telling some story about one of her and Akiko’s first dates - while simultaneously hoping they didn’t turn to him for a similar story because he and Bokuto didn’t have one and hoping they did just to see what kind of wild story Bokuto would manage to come up with - when the front door opened.  He didn’t even register that it shouldn’t have opened since everyone who was supposed to be home was currently crowded into the living room until he heard Hajime’s voice call out a greeting; they had stopped knocking on each other’s doors sometime the year they were eleven and were welcome in each other’s homes like they were their own.  Except for today.  Because while everyone in their group chat knew that Tooru had planned on coming home for the weekend no one had been informed of the addition of Bokuto as his plus one.

“Holy shit no,” Tooru hissed as Hajime stepped into view.  He scrambled off Bokuto’s lap as his mother scolded him for his language and was across the living room and dragging Hajime right back out the front door before anyone could react further.

“Okay,” Hajime scratched his head.  “So, uh, I want to ask but I also really don’t want to know.”

Tooru glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one, like his sister, had crept to the front door to spy on him.

“They think Bokuto is my boyfriend.”

“Why do they think that?”

“Cause that’s what I told them he was?”

Hajime slowly pressed his hand to his face, though his expression made Tooru think that he wished it was Tooru’s face he was nearly crushing instead, and made a distressed noise that thanks to years of friendship Tooru was able to translate as something close to “why the hell did you do that and what the hell are you getting yourself into and why are we still friends?”  Hajime let out a long sigh and met Tooru’s eyes.  After a solid fifteen seconds - which he was proud of for lasting so long - Tooru whined and started talking.

“They want me to be happy which is amazing but they seem to think I can’t be happy without ‘someone special’ in my life and always ask when I’m gonna bring someone home to meet them,” Tooru tried to explain.  With far too many hand gestures and arm flails he was sure but this was Hajime so it was okay.  “And I just, ugh-” his foot tapped against the ground while he made frustrated noises, “-I just can’t, you know, get them to get that I don’t have time?  I want to focus on school and volleyball?  But they, I dunno, they want me to be happy and I want them to be happy and I couldn’t just come home alone again and try to explain again.  You know?”

“Not really.  And I’m pretty sure you’re making this a hundred times more complicated and messy and potentially heart breaking than necessary.”

“Bokuto knows it’s a fake dating thing.  He’s cool with it.”

“That wasn’t what I meant but you know what?  I’m just going to go with it and tell you I told you so later.”  Hajime patted his arm and walked back to the front door.

“But you didn’t tell me anything,” Tooru pouted as he followed his best friend back inside.

 

Bokuto pulled him back onto his lap when Tooru hovered uncertainly next to him after he and Hajime came back inside.

“Everything okay?”

“I think so,” Tooru whispered.  “Iwa-chan said he’d go along with it but I don’t know what he’ll do or say.”

Bokuto nodded and wrapped his arm around Tooru’s waist.  Hajime greeted Tooru’s parents and charmed his way through the introductions with Akiko, handling them much more gracefully than Tooru had but that was just the way Hajime was.  He had everyone smiling and relaxed and Tooru almost thought that would be enough.

Until Hajime stopped an arm’s length away from the chair he and Bokuto were curled up in and placed his fists on his hips.

“Now.  We haven’t been able to have this conversation since I haven’t seen you in person since you and Oikawa started dating.”

“Oh please no,” Tooru whined.  Hajime, predictably, didn’t listen and proceeded to launch into a ‘you hurt him I end you’ talk that had it been directed towards anyone else Tooru would have enjoyed immensely.  As it was his face was turning a potentially unhealthy shade of pink while Bokuto nodded seriously and promised that he would never do anything to hurt Tooru in the slightest and that he would never do anything to incur Hajime’s wrath.

“Aw,” Momoko cooed, “that’s so precious.  Sweet little Hajime looking out for Tooru like always.”  That, at least, made Hajime flush in embarrassment a little and Tooru had a precious moment of smugness before his sister turned to him with an evil glint to her smile.  “Remember that time when-”

“Nope,” Tooru declared loudly.  “No one remembers it at all time for Iwa-chan to go home now.”

“Aw but he just got here,” Bokuto whined and Tooru had to look twice to make sure but yeah that was a legitimate pout on Bokuto’s face, complete with wide watery eyes and stuck out bottom lip.  Tooru reached up and pinched it just like he did with Takeru.

“Yeah I just got here.”  Hajime grinned at the glare Tooru shot him.

 

Tooru wanted to be upset about it.  Wanted to be frustrated by it all.  But Bokuto is actually doing a pretty amazing job at diverting the attention away from Tooru just before it starts to get too much and starts digging too deeply at him.  He and Hajime were getting along like they had known each other closely for years instead of just a few months in passing during Tooru’s video chats with the group.  Which doesn’t really surprise Tooru much and really when he thinks about it Hajime showing up out of nowhere shouldn’t be surprising either.  Tooru can’t remember Hajime actually saying he wasn’t coming home this weekend.  It was just one more small thing that he would normally never miss.  Just one more ‘what if’ that he’s failed to think about until it is suddenly a reality and staring him in the face.  Just like the fact that he had never even hinted at being interested - despite how small the interest seemed in hindsight - in guys as well as girls and the fact that he never thought about where Bokuto was going to be staying even though he knew Momoko and Takeru would be back that weekend as well.

 

“Are you sure you can’t stay for dinner?  You know you’re always welcome.”  

Hajime smiled at Tooru’s mother but shook his head.  “No.  My parents should be home any minute now.  I just figured since I was back so early I’d stop over here and visit you all before they got home.  Plus someone was freaking out in our group chat about his sister bringing her girlfriend home for the weekend and not having anyone to try to intimidate her with so I had to see what was going on.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Bokuto broke in before Tooru could even think of a response.  “I defended Oikawa’s honor.  Arm wrestling match.  Best four out of seven.  But it was a draw.”

“I’ll join you two next time,” Hajime promised.  He gave Tooru’s mother and sister a hug and shook his father’s hand before waving at Takeru and Akiko.  Tooru and Bokuto followed him outside where he took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh.  “Look, seriously?  You two are idiots for doing this.  But you’re already here so just be good for each other, okay?”

“You’re talking all weird again, Iwa-chan.”

“Just don’t come crying to me in a panic after the weekend is over, yeah?”

Tooru agreed with a flippant wave of his hand and then Hajime was gone.  Though his words lingered in Tooru’s mind.  Why was Hajime so certain this was a bad idea?  It’s not like they were being cruel to each other or anyone else.  If anything Bokuto being here had made everything better, almost every time Tooru had started towards a pissy mood Bokuto had managed to roll with it and somehow mellow Tooru out to the point where he was laughing at things that would have normally sent his temper and frustration skyrocketing in no time.

 

“He is such a brilliant young man, Tooru.  You’re lucky to have found him.”  He looked from his mother to where Bokuto was sharing a story about his ‘friend the organic chemistry major’ in disbelief.  Yeah he knew Bokuto was a lot smarter than most people gave him credit for he also knew that Bokuto was spinning this story in a way that, while not a lie, wasn’t entirely truthful.  Because he knew this story was about Kuroo and he knew better.  He knew all the bits Bokuto was leaving out.  He saw the goat.  He knew how the story really ended.  “So smart,” she added on and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing because he can remember clearly how Bokuto got his head stuck in the rails of the stairway outside their dorm room just last week.  For the third time since they moved in together.

Then he paused and stared at Bokuto for a moment or five because it hit him that yes, Bokuto is a moron, but he’s actually incredibly bright and kind of wise somehow.  He wouldn’t be able to keep up with Tooru’s astronomy ramblings or Kuroo’s chem talks if he wasn’t.  He had never really thought about it that way before.

 

“Such an upstanding member of society,” Tooru’s father said while he watched Bokuto insisting on helping clean up the kitchen with Momoko while Tooru’s mother and Akiko went for a walk with Takeru after dinner.  “So polite.”  It wasn’t a lie.  Bokuto really was a decent guy, hence the whole him being here with Tooru this weekend.  Plus he was always helping Tooru with their physics homework and offering to stay late with Tooru and Yaku after practice.  Which balanced out well with the side of him that was constantly threatening to dump ice water on Yaku’s head to wake him up ‘just to see what happens’ and constantly forgetting to do laundry and leaving takeout in the fridge for a month.

Tooru shook himself out of his thoughts in time to hear his sister complementing Bokuto on his outfit and getting a subtle jab in at Tooru for wearing his most comfortable baggy sweater to dinner.

“You really like it?”

“Yeah,” Momoko said, shooting Tooru a sly grin.  “Now if only your fashion sense could rub off on my little brother.”

Bokuto glanced over and spotted Tooru’s scowl.  “You wanna know what my shirt’s made out of?”

Tooru’s eyes widened.  He wouldn’t.

“What?”

Bokuto winked at Tooru and replied, dead serious, “Boyfriend Material.”

He knew it was coming and it was horrible but Tooru still nearly inhaled his water at the words and later that night when they were curled together on the couch with Takeru asleep beside them and the movie he insisted they watch playing in the background he chastised Bokuto for using such a lame line.

“Hey.  It made you laugh,” he said with a shrug as he snuggled closer.  “That’s the important thing.”

Tooru woke up the next morning very warm and cocooned in and it took him a few long minutes to realize that at some point Bokuto had twisted them so that Tooru was wrapped up in the blanket and tucked between the back of the couch and Bokuto’s chest.  He felt more secure and safe than he had in a long time and he let himself have a few extra moments of that warmth before he slowly wriggled his way out of Bokuto’s grasp and shuffled to the bathroom.  Bokuto was still asleep when he came back so Tooru tossed an extra blanket over him and went to see what was happening for breakfast.

The day passed in a warm haze filled with laughter and before he was really ready to leave Tooru was being pulled into a tight hug from his mother.  He had already said his goodbyes to the others and he stayed in his mother’s arms for a few breaths longer than usual.  It had been so long since he had gotten a hug from her and he wasn’t sure when he’d be back again.

“Come home anytime, my little bird,” she said softly.  “Even if it’s just a few hours or a night.  We miss you and you’re always welcome here.”

“I know, mother.  I’ll try.”

“Mama Bird,” Bokuto said when Tooru finally stepped out of his mother’s embrace.

“Koutarou,” she replied with a smile and Bokuto nearly leapt at her when she opened her arms for a hug from him.  “Take care of him, okay?  Take care of each other.”

“Yes, ma’am.”  Bokuto stepped back and took Tooru’s hand so he could slowly tug him down the sidewalk.  For all that Tooru had been dreading the weekend before he didn’t want to leave just yet.

  
It wasn’t until they wandered back into their dorm and split off into their separate rooms that Tooru even fully realized that his family had never once asked about Tooru’s happiness or implied that he was anything but happy.  He had no idea what they had seen that weekend but it had apparently been enough to leave that particular topic alone and he had Bokuto to thank for it.


	5. Chapter 5

Tooru woke up Monday morning cold despite being wrapped up in every blanket he had in his dorm room, tired despite having gotten a solid eight hours of sleep, and grouchy despite having had a really great weekend.  A quiet snore filtered in through his open door and Tooru scowled.  It was all Bokuto’s fault.  It had only been three days and he had so seamlessly inserted himself at Tooru’s side that waking up without Bokuto within arm’s reach and falling asleep without Bokuto’s heartbeat as background noise had been jarring.  To top it all off if his phone was to be believed they had to be at practice in twenty minutes.  Which meant he had five to get himself out of bed and another three to make sure Bokuto and Yaku were up as well; considering Yaku hadn’t even been back when Tooru had crawled into bed it was already shaping up to be a shitty morning.

Bokuto grumbled the entire way to practice and nearly fell back asleep with his head on Tooru’s shoulder while they waited for either their captain or coach to unlock the gym for them; even as late as they almost were they were still, as usual, the first ones there.  Yaku scowled at them from where he was leaning heavily on the wall and trying not to fall back asleep himself.

“Well aren’t you all just rays of sunshine this morning,” their captain said cheerfully.  He eyed Bokuto blinking blearily at him with his head propped on Tooru’s shoulder but didn’t say whatever seemed to be on his mind as he unlocked the doors and waved them in.

The day didn’t really get much better from there.  Yaku was in an even more foul mood than usual and he spent most of his time glaring down at his phone or typing angrily away at whatever essay he was working on and shooting daggers at Tooru and Bokuto every time they so much as breathed too loudly and sometimes when they breathed quietly.

“I think someone stuck a stick up Yaku’s butt while he was out this weekend,” Bokuto whispered from his spot curled up on Tooru’s bed.

“Or maybe he finally realized that it was you who kept eating his granola bars and replacing them with those cardboardy yogurt bar things he hates,” Tooru whispered back from the floor in front of his bed.

“Maybe you two should whisper quieter if you don’t actually want me to murder you in your sleep sometime soon,” Yaku said from the couch.  “Or shut your door.  You ever think about that?”

“Maybe we missed you and want to bask in your presence.”  Bokuto grinned at Tooru and he bit his cheek to keep the laughter that would most likely incur Yaku’s wrath in check.

“Shut up,” Yaku snapped wearily.  “Just.  Shut up.”

 

Things really didn’t get any better the rest of the week.  At least not in terms of Yaku’s attitude.  He kept staring at Tooru and Bokuto at random and giving them long contemplative looks.  Tooru figured he’d have to explain the situation eventually.  Yaku wasn’t as observant as Tooru was but he wasn’t a dense log either.  Tooru only hoped that Yaku wouldn’t flip out on him too much when he explained it.  Yaku wasn’t exactly a shenanigan approving person and taking Bokuto home as his fake boyfriend for the weekend would definitely be a shenanigan in Yaku’s book he was sure.

Tooru had fallen asleep on the couch Wednesday night slumped against Bokuto’s shoulder while they studied for their physics test the next day and he woke up with a crick in his neck the next morning but other than that he felt refreshed.  Yaku stared at him from his bedroom doorway with a look on his face that Tooru couldn’t read.  Not for the first time or anything - Yaku was surprisingly good at masking his emotions and thoughts from Tooru - but the way he looked at Tooru when he slowly uncurled from Bokuto’s side and stretched carefully so he wouldn’t wake his unplanned pillow made Tooru’s stomach twist into knots but he couldn’t figure out just why.

Friday’s practice was tense and it made Tooru wonder just what was going on with Yaku.  He was fine when they warmed up and did their stretches since the first years tended to stick together especially Tooru, Yaku, and Bokuto since they were roommates and most comfortable together.  He had seemed okay when they split up for a practice match but by the time it was finished Yaku was brimming with a shaky energy that made Tooru wary of getting too close.  It reminded him of when Kyoutani first started coming to practices back in high school: all live wires and ticking bombs and firecrackers ready to explode in your face if you got too close.  Their manager, Ueda, seemed to be observing Yaku almost as closely as Tooru and he wondered if Yaku would be getting a ‘warning chat’ sometime soon which made him wonder if he had passed whatever invisible test Ueda had been giving him since she had barely even looked his way after Tuesday’s practice.  He had been planning on staying late on Friday to get in a little more time practicing his serves and had considered asking if Yaku wanted to practice some receives with him for a bit but then Bokuto had mentioned that there was a sci-fi and horror movie marathon happening somewhere on campus and, well, all plans for extra practice slipped out the window at Bokuto’s excitement.

“I like sci-fi and horror and thrillers and all that,” Bokuto admitted as they strolled across campus, “but I hate jump scares.  They’re just.  The adrenaline is almost too much, ya know?”

Those, along with the scientifically inaccurate or sometimes creatively possible facts and devices, were actually Tooru’s favorite parts.

“I don’t mind them much.  But you can hold my hand and hide your face in my shirt if you get scared.  Iwa-chan and Makki used to do it all the time when we did movie nights.  Don’t tell them I told you though.”  Bokuto laughed and reached down to grab Tooru’s hand.  “Are you scared now,” Tooru teased.

“If I say yes can I keep holding your hand?”

Tooru rolled his eyes.  But he didn’t pull his hand free.  They were almost there anyway and with the number of people milling around it was easier to keep track of each other if they were already attached.  Tooru skirted them around their captain and a few other teammates, nodding in greeting, and found a place to sit.

By the time they made it back to their room that night Yaku was already asleep and it wasn’t until just as he drifted off to sleep that Tooru realized Bokuto had followed him all the to his bed and was curled up beside him.

 

Yaku was making Tooru nervous.  Not in the ‘I know you were the one who ate the last of my cereal and I’m watching you’ sort of way that he usually did.  This was something else.  It set Tooru on edge every time he spotted Yaku and he hated it.  But he didn’t want to confront Yaku about it.  Partially because Yaku looked like he hadn’t slept well since they got back from the long weekend nearly a month ago and partially because practices were difficult enough right now - they still hadn’t managed to reach the comfortable level of teamwork and camaraderie Tooru would have expected to have by now with the team - and the last thing he needed or wanted was one of his roommates pissed at him and not speaking to him because Tooru couldn’t keep his nose out of their business.

 

“Do you have any idea what’s going on with him?”

“Not really.  I tried asking Kuroo about it cause I know he and Yaku still talk all the time but he clammed up.  So I think it might have something to do with him or them or whatever but I don’t know what.”  Bokuto had his head on Tooru’s lap while Tooru skimmed through one of his assigned readings for the week.  “It’s weird.  I mean Kuroo and I don’t tell each other everything but he’s never gone silent about something like this before.”  Tooru ran his hand through Bokuto’s hair, free of product and still shower damp, and sighed.

“I want to ask Yaku but I’m worried it will make things worse.”  Tooru snorted to himself.  “A year ago I wouldn’t have cared and would have just barged right in and insisted that he tell me what his problem was.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m finally making new friends again for the first time in about four years and I don’t want to lose him as that?  I dunno.  It’s hard to explain.”  Yaku came out of his bedroom and barely glanced at them before storming out of the dorm room, nearly slamming the door behind him.  “But I wish I could help with whatever the problem is.”

  
  


Tooru was beyond mad.  Tooru was livid.  He hadn’t felt like this since, well, he couldn’t remember a time he had been this angry at anyone who wasn’t himself.  Bokuto’s fingers tangled in his and Tooru slowed down a little but didn’t stop as he hurried across the campus, making a beeline from the gym to their dorm.  Their normal after practice smoothies and snacks would have to wait.  Bokuto, thankfully, seemed to be in a similar mindset because he didn’t even try to change Tooru’s path.  In fact he hadn’t said a word since the announcement at the end of practice.

 

“Yaku.  What the hell happened that you got suspended from the team?” Tooru asked as he shoved their dorm room door open.  “Coach wouldn’t tell us anything.”

“I got in a fight.”  Yaku looked up from the couch and Tooru gasped.  He had seen Yaku bruised and scraped plenty, it came with the territory of being a libero.  But he had never seen Yaku’s cheek so puffy and his bottom lip split open and his eye blackened and he couldn’t even see whatever bruises or scrapes were on him that made it so Yaku had to sit up so slowly.

“With who?”  Bokuto’s fingers twitched against Tooru’s and he squeezed Bokuto’s hand reassuringly.

“Don’t tell me he wasn’t suspended?”  Yaku ran his hand through his hair with a groan.  “That would be beyond unfair.”

Tooru didn’t even have to think about it to put the pieces together; everyone had been talking in the locker room after the announcement about how their first year libero and their captain had both managed to get temporarily suspended from the team on the same day but no one knew why either of them were in trouble and their coaches and manager had been silent about the whole thing.

"You got in a fight with the captain."  Bokuto had clearly put the same pieces together and Tooru had to squeeze his hand harder to keep Bokuto from yanking out of his grip and, presumably, marching off to find their captain and probably get himself suspended too.

"He's a bigoted asshole who needed to be dropped a peg or two."

"He's a middle blocker like twice your size Yaku!"  

Tooru spotted a few of their second year teammates passing by with curious looks on their faces and he slid his hand free from Bokuto’s so he could close their door.  If their teammates wanted to eavesdrop they could do it from outside a closed door like everyone else.

Yaku snorted and smiled as widely as his split lip would let him.  It was the most relaxed and pleased Tooru had seen him since before their three day weekend a month ago.  "If I only ever fought people my size I'd never get to fight anyone."

"Permission to hug?" Bokuto asked, arms already open as he inched forward.

"Fine. But this is not a blanket permission.  Just this once."  The smile that lit Bokuto’s face as he carefully wrapped his arms around Yaku’s shoulders was so bright and pure Tooru had to look away.

After Yaku had his fill of comforting embraces for the moment and pushed Bokuto away with a grumble Tooru settled on the couch next to him and gave him a serious look.

“Okay.  But why?”

“I told you.  He’s-”

“Yes.  But he’s kind of been a jerk like that since day one.  What finally made you snap?  You may threaten and kick shins but this?”  Tooru indicated Yaku’s split lip and black eye and scraped knuckles.  “This is a bit extreme.”

“You don’t have to tell us,” Bokuto added as he perched on the arm of the couch next to Tooru. “And if you do we won’t tell anyone.  We just.  You’re our friend and we’ve been worried about you.”

Yaku scrubbed his hands over his face gingerly and groaned.

“Okay, so.  You how know Kuroo and I are kind of a thing, right?  Well for the three day weekend my family was going to be out of town so I just went to stay with him and we’re kind of unofficially official.  Like we’re not really dating but we kind of are?  Whatever anyway we were watching some shitty movie that we were probably going to ignore to make out to eventually when his roommate suddenly flew back into the apartment in a tizzy over forgetting something and he saw us on the couch and just froze and stared like he couldn’t believe what he saw.  Then he made this disgusted face and curled his lip and left again.”

“Did you have your hand down Kuroo’s pants or something?”  Tooru would have laughed at the offended look on Yaku’s face if the story he was telling wasn’t so serious.

“No.  We were just sitting there.  Okay it might have been like cuddling or something but Kuroo is a furnace and it was chilly in his place.”  Yaku shook his head.  “Anyway we both think it was a weird reaction but, you know, whatever right?  He might have just been surprised to see Kuroo there with someone.  Or even there at all since me visiting was kind of a spur of the moment decision.”  Yaku bit his cheek and started fidgeting, eyes flickering towards his bedroom door and then back to Tooru and Bokuto.  “Everything was fine until I woke up.  It was really late, or really early, or whatever.  Like four in the morning.  I could hear Kuroo and his roommate just outside Kuroo’s bedroom arguing about something.”  Tooru could already sense where this was going and it made his stomach twist painfully as Yaku’s eyes went distant.  “His, uh, roommate is kind of a bigoted asshole too.  There were a lot of, uh, unsavory things thrown into Kuroo’s face.  About him and me both.  And, uh.  Well.”

“He didn’t say anything did he?”  Bokuto’s growl startled Tooru.  “To his roommate,” he clarified.  “That’s why you’ve been pissed at him and why he wouldn’t tell me what was up.  His roommate said all that shitty stuff to his face and Kuroo didn’t do anything.  Didn’t respond or defend or deny any of it.”

“Yeah.  He didn’t,” Yaku said sadly.  “So when we got back and I started hearing our illustrious captain here saying some of those same unsavory things about the two of you and trying to spread rumors and start shit I just.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  I’ve been talking back to him for a couple weeks and I finally snapped this morning.”

“About us?”

“Yeah.”  Yaku looked between them and tilted his head.  “You’re not like making out in front of anyone but you’re very… open with how comfortable you are with each other?  I mean everyone knows that Bokuto likes to touch people and hug them and all that but you’re usually a lot more reserved, Oikawa.  But ever since that weekend you two have been touching all the time?  Like before they unlock the doors you’re always leaning against each other and Bokuto is always grabbing your arm or elbow to drag you somewhere after practice and you’re always standing next to each other during breaks.  It’s nothing weird but it’s noticeable.  Especially when you’re a bigoted asshole like our captain is.  So this morning I finally had enough of him running his mouth and told him that if he had something to say about you guys to either say it to your faces or shut up.  There were words thrown back and forth and then there were fists and now I have to sit out for two weeks.  Hopefully he has at least two weeks too.”

Tooru opened his mouth to scold Yaku but Yaku slapped his hand over it and glared at him.

“It was worth it.  I’d do it again.  You two are my teammates and my roommates and, somehow more or less, my friends.  And even if you weren’t I wouldn’t let him keep going with that shit.  I’ve had enough of it.”

“Permission to hug?” Tooru whispered when Yaku finally took his hand away.  Yaku rolled his eyes and let out a disgusted noise but he had the tiniest smile on his face when he nodded and Tooru wrapped him in a tight hug.


	6. Chapter 6

Practice the next day was awkward.  Mostly because he knew that everyone had heard the reason Yaku and the captain were suspended by now and, judging by the looks he was being given, they blamed him and Bokuto for it.  Because obviously they could control the captain’s mouth and Yaku’s temper.  Regardless of what they thought he refused to let any silly drama get in the way of playing; it was just too bad some of his teammates couldn’t say the same.  When he stepped off the court at the end of their practice match his teammates immediately scattered away from him, forming little groups to gossip in while they were supposedly practicing.  Tooru knew it was gossip by the way gazes kept darting between where he was strolling over to the ball cart and where Bokuto was standing and going over a weight room schedule with Ueda.

Her gaze flickered curiously to him when he stepped up but settled back on Bokuto when Tooru grabbed the ball cart next to her and nodded to the far court.

“Serving practice,” he said, giving her and Bokuto a polite nod before walking away.  He shot his gossiping teammates an unimpressed look before focusing on his individual practice.

 

“Yaku,” he whined as soon as he and Bokuto got back from practice that night.  No matter how cool and collected of a persona he had on while he was in front of the team he had found out soon after moving in with them that he could rip it off the moment he was with his roommates.  “People suck.  This team sucks.  I want a refund, where’s my receipt?”

“Can we do that?” Bokuto asked from his bedroom and Tooru heard the familiar thump of Bokuto’s book bag hitting his bed and then sliding to his floor.  “Can we just, I dunno, request a new team?”

Tooru flopped onto the couch, leaving his backpack by the door, and threw a pillow into Yaku’s room.  “Yaku.  I have important questions and you’re not answering me.”

“No, Oikawa,” Yaku finally said.  “You can not just return the team.”

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“That sounds fake, Yaku.  But fine.  If you insist.” 

“You don’t have to like them to play with them.”  Yaku finally poked his head out of his room and threw the pillow back at Tooru with a grin.  “Just try not to murder anyone.  I don’t have money to bail you out or pay for a lawyer.”

 

Tooru knew that Yaku wanted him (and Bokuto but mostly him) to be the bigger person in all of this.  To ignore all the looks and whispers and conversations cut off the moment he got within range.  And he tried.  But it was hard when all of those things followed him straight into his dreams day after day and met up with that wonderful image of self doubt that was already so much at home in the dark corners of his mind.  No matter how many good thoughts about holding hands with Bokuto or curling up with him on the couch or even thoughts about Yaku’s mood slowly dragging itself up out of the gutter it had been in he had that he tried to grasp.  Damn his vividly technicolor dreams anyway.

 

“Hello Tooru,” his old friend purred and hugged its new friends close to its chest.  “You missed me, didn’t you?  You missed me so much you brought me new friends to play with.”  Those little whirlpools of thoughts whipped around his ankles and lapped at his shins.  All those slithering whispers were true, weren’t they?  He was a horrible person.  It was his fault the captain was suspended.  It just wasn’t right.   _ They _ weren’t right.

But that couldn’t be right.  

Because the thoughts lining that path meant that there was something wrong with Bokuto and, honestly, he couldn’t believe that.  Meeting Bokuto and dragging him home with him that weekend had been one of the best things to happen in his life since the day he met Makki and Mattsun.  Which wasn’t saying much some days but most days it was an entire Odyssey level epic speech.

“You can’t run from us, Tooru,” his creepy mirror image said as he tried to turn away.  He knew that.  There was never anywhere he could go where he would truly be able to hide.  But sometimes he could find a safe spot, a warm oasis among the chaos, where he could camp out for a little while.  Barely contained whispers and judging looks and the soul deep bite of conversations cut off when he entered the room swarmed around him, dragged against his skin and wriggled clammy fingers against his throat.

 

He woke with a whimper and immediately stumbled out of bed clumsily, ignoring the twinge in his knee at the awkward angle and leaving his blanket strewn behind him on the floor as he left his room.  He skirted the couch with ease even in his half-asleep state and barely paused long enough to register that Bokuto’s door was open before he shuffled inside.  Yaku was already sitting on Bokuto’s bed and leaning up against the wall with his chin propped on a pillow.  He paused mid-sentence when Tooru stopped a few steps away when his brain finally registered what he was seeing.  The part of him that honestly respected Yaku and understood the need for private conversations wanted to turn around and go back to his own bed.  The rest of him noticed that there was a space on the edge of Bokuto’s bed that would allow him to flop onto Bokuto’s lap and curl around him and still fit on the bed without actually having to touch or crowd Yaku in any way.

 

When he woke up a few hours later Yaku was curled into a ball under a blanket on Bokuto’s other side.  Bokuto was frowning down at his phone and running his free hand through Tooru’s hair.

“’M having a talk with Kuroo,” he said at Tooru’s questioning hum.  Tooru wanted to ask him more, to sit up just to hear Bokuto talk, but the soothing drag of Bokuto’s fingers against his scalp had him humming contently and drifting back to sleep instead, curling just a little closer to Bokuto’s warmth on the way.

  
  


He hadn’t slept in his own bed for almost a week now and that was the only good thing he seemed to have going for him just then.  No matter how shitty his days were he was at least getting decent sleep.  When he could fall asleep anyway.  More than one night the last week had been spent wide awake staring at Bokuto’s ceiling and listening to him sleeping soundly next to him.  Yaku hadn’t done more than raise his eyebrow in amusement and hand over a bowl of cut up fruit the first morning he came in to wake Bokuto up and found Tooru curled up in bed as well.

But, yeah.  The getting decent sleep when he could actually fall asleep was the only good thing this week. 

His focus in class had been barely above zero most days and his notes were a messy conglomeration of scribbles and half sentences and words that he wasn’t even sure were real and really the only class he wasn’t doing horribly in was his physics class and that was only thanks to Bokuto helping him study and sharing his notes.  He was pretty sure he failed, or came extremely close to failing, all three quizzes he had taken that day.  Which was just wonderful.

Yaku and the captain’s suspension was over and they would be at practice the next day and it had taken every ounce of will and composure he had honed over the years not to literally snap and start wringing the necks of his teammates.  He thought this was supposed to be a high level team, not a bunch of gossiping soccer moms who spent almost more time glaring - oh yeah they were visibly glaring directly at him and Bokuto now and that made for fun practices - than playing.  Ueda had been giving him a sympathetic look the last couple days and, really, he didn’t need the team manager’s sympathy.  What he needed was for her to be a good team manager and get involved and maybe slap his teammates around a little.  What he got was a sympathetic little half sigh through her pursed lips as she watched him roll the ball cart past her into the storage closet.  If nothing else at least he managed to get plenty of individual serving practice in the last couple weeks.  He couldn’t wait to get Yaku back to have someone to actually practice it on since their current libero was the captain’s best friend and, obviously, not a fan of Tooru’s.

All he wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep for a week or two.  His knee was throbbing from a mistimed jump during practice and he could hear the mutters and harsh laughter from his teammates following him as he changed back into his jeans after practice.  They only increased in volume when Bokuto paused near him and gave him a worried look that he cut off with a sharp shake of his head before spinning on his heel and marching out.  He refused to limp or even let his discomfort show on his face, refused to give them the satisfaction of knowing how much he was hurting; he could wallow in misery when he got back to his room.

He was planning on studying for the quizzes he knew he’d have to retake and got as far as laying everything out on his bed when his phone chimed with a new message from his mother.

_ Don’t forget we’re having a party the weekend of Takeru’s birthday.  He says he can’t wait to see you two again.  We can’t either.  Hope you’re doing well.  Love you both! _

A tendril of guilt wound its way up his spine as he read the message a dozen times.  He knew that Bokuto would have no problem going along again, he had truly seemed to enjoy spending time with Tooru’s family and would love the chance to spoil Takeru and probably challenge Akiko to a rematch.  He admitted that he hadn’t thought the whole thing through in the beginning but even if he had he didn’t think he could have expected his family to become attached to Bokuto so quickly.

Which was mostly only a problem because he was going to have to tell them eventually.  There was no way that he could just keep bringing Bokuto to family events as his fake boyfriend forever.  But the thought of going back home without Bokuto with him and having to explain what he did, and why, dropped a block of icy dread in his stomach.  Maybe he would just have to go back alone and tell them that he and Bokuto broke up.  That they were still friends but just decided the whole dating thing wasn’t for them.  His mother’s sympathetic eyes and warm hug filled his mind and he slid to the floor with a groan as panic rose and swelled under his skin like some twisted symphony.

That’s where Bokuto found him later: back propped against his bed, phone clutched in his fingers, breath shallow and harsh, and tears brimming in his eyes but never quite falling.  Bokuto joined him on the floor and bumped their shoulders together.

“Hey,” Bokuto said softly.

That was all it took.  The tears he had been holding back through sheer willpower finally began to fall.  Bokuto made a distressed noise when he realized what was happening and pulled Tooru into his arms.

“Hey.  I gotcha.”  He rested their foreheads together.  Tooru couldn’t focus on any of the words Bokuto was murmuring to him through the crushing waves of emotion rolling over him, just the comforting tone, the same warmth that Bokuto had shown him practically since they met, and the thought of breaking up with him and facing his family alone sent another wave of panic through him.  He sobbed and buried his face against Bokuto’s neck.

Bokuto brushed his lips against Tooru’s forehead.  “Whatever it is, I’m here.  We’ll get through it.”

“I can’t,” Tooru whimpered.

“ _ We _ can.”  Bokuto cupped Tooru’s cheek and peppered his forehead with kisses until Tooru pulled back with a watery laugh.  He shifted down to start kissing Tooru’s cheeks and wiping the tears away.  “Seriously.  I’m here for you.”  His lips brushed the edge of Tooru’s as he spoke and something not quite panicky spiked through Tooru’s chest.

Then he tilted his head that last little bit and planted a quick kiss on Tooru’s lips.

A kiss that Tooru returned without thought or hesitation.

It was, like everything seemed to be with Bokuto, warm and gentle with an undercurrent of pure energy that left Tooru breathless.

It was perfect.

Until his brain cleared - which was ironic seeing as how his brain had been a pile of rather useless mush for the last few days so it apparently took a heart stopping kiss to clear it - and his panic slid into absolute overdrive.  Because he was kissing Bokuto.  He liked Bokuto and was kissing him.  Holy fuck he  _ liked _ Bokuto.  This was not supposed to happen.  This was not how he should feel with a fake boyfriend.  He didn’t  _ like _ people, that was half the point of the whole fake boyfriend thing.  The feelings brewing and boiling in his chest were nothing he had felt before - they were too genuine and real to be for a fake boyfriend but that would make them feelings for a real boyfriend and they weren’t that were they - and he pulled away from Bokuto.

“I can’t,” he gasped.  Bokuto went completely still.  He didn’t want Bokuto to be his fake boyfriend he realized finally.  He wanted him to be his actual boyfriend.  He wanted to hear his family call Bokuto his boyfriend and have it be true.  He wanted this all to be real and honestly he wasn’t sure if they were still faking.

“Oikawa?”

“I can’t do this.  This isn’t fake.  I can’t do this.”  He was at the edge of panicked and rambling but he couldn’t stop himself even when he looked into Bokuto’s eyes, pleading for understanding, and found them surprisingly blank.

“Oh.  Okay?”  Bokuto swallowed hard and drew himself away from Tooru carefully.  “Sorry,” he said softly.  He gave Tooru a sad smile and then he was gone.

Tooru stared at his wall, unable to move.

The door of their dorm shut gently as Bokuto left quietly without another word to Tooru.

“Fuck,” Tooru hissed.


	7. Chapter 7

It was somewhere between far too late and way too fucking early to be awake.  A magical time that was really only acceptable because he hadn’t been to sleep yet.  The clock on his phone informed him in bright numbers that he felt were personally out to offend his poor eyes that it was, in fact, 3:03 AM, and all he wanted to do was sleep.  Unfortunately sleep was not something he was going to get to experience that night.

His mind was running far too fast and was far too jumbled up to let him sleep.

He almost considered shuffling over to Yaku’s room and seeing if he was feeling generous and would consider letting Tooru sleep on his floor or something.  Then he remembered that Yaku had gotten through two tests, a presentation, and two more hours of practice than Tooru and decided it would be better to just leave Yaku be.  Besides.  The two of them had been on slightly rocky ground since they were left alone.

It had been six days since Bokuto left their dorm room and Tooru felt like someone had taken a piece of him and ground it into dust.  A piece he hadn’t even realized someone could take from him.  It was a bone deep loss that started in his ribs and crawled through him at a snail’s pace until his entire being ached.

 

**Tooru:** I think I screwed up.

**Tooru:** Like.  I legitimately screwed up.

**Tooru:** I just.  I don’t have the slightest clue what the hell is going on right now.  I need to sleep.  Fuck.  Ignore me guys.  I’m just in one of those moods

 

He stared down at his phone, not even bothering to catch up on whatever gossip he had missed the last few days in the group chat.  It was three in the morning and he didn’t even know why he was bothering sending the messages.  No one in their right mind but him would be up right now anyway.  He knows from experience that the only other person likely awake right now was Kindaichi and even if he was, he was very unlikely to be near anything electronic.

 

**angry pupper:** idont have the energy totype rn answer ur phone

 

Tooru stared dumbly at the message and then even more dumbly at his phone when it started buzzing in his hand with a video chat invitation.

“Kyoutani,” he said intelligently after he answered the call.

“You look even shittier than I anticipated,” Kyoutani replied.  “What’s with the melodrama?”

“What are you doing up? Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

The view on his screen twisted wildly to show that Kyoutani was, in fact, sprawled on his bed before it twisted back to show Kyoutani smirking at him.

“I asked you first but since I’m such a nice guy I’ll tell you.  Shigeru had a nightmare.  He just finally fell asleep about twenty minutes ago.”

“The one with the crows?”

“The trees.”

“Oh.  Hell.”

Kyoutani glanced at the lump of blankets beside him with a small smile and then back at his phone.  “So.”  Tooru opened his mouth and Kyoutani glared at him.  “And if you tell me it was nothing and try to lie to me I will not only call Iwaizumi right now I will join him when he comes to kick your ass.”

“What did Iwa-chan tell you about the weekend I went home?”

“Regardless of how highly you think about yourself most of the time, Oikawa, we don’t actually sit around and discuss you when you’re not here.  All I know is whatever you were whining about in the chat about your sister bringing a date home.”

“I took a date home that weekend too.”  Tooru choose not to remark on the surprised look on Kyoutani’s face.  “Bokuto.”

“Your roommate?  I didn’t know you were dating him?”

“Yeah no.  He went as a fake boyfriend.  Said he was cool with it and apparently he had done it back in high school for a friend.  Fuck what if that’s why he did it?  He did say that they kept going and were just really close friends who cuddled a lot and went on almost dates and maybe that’s what he was doing with me?  I screwed everything up Kyouken.”

Kyoutani sighed.  “Okay.  I mean I don’t have the slightest clue what you’re babbling about.  But okay.”

“With Bokuto.  He did this whole fake boyfriend thing once with a friend and they stayed pretty comfy from what he told me and they were super close and touchy and he’s a tactile person to begin with and I don’t know why but we kissed and then I realized how much I actually like him and now I’ve messed it all up.  This wasn’t supposed to happen how did this happen?  I’ve never actually liked anyone before Kyouken.  I don’t know what to do.”

For a moment he was sure Kyoutani had fallen asleep with his eyes open again.  He did that once at one of their training camps and it haunted Tooru for weeks.  

“You’ve never liked anyone?”

Tooru had the sudden feeling that he wasn’t going to like where this was going and almost wished Kyoutani had fallen asleep on him.

“I’ve never liked anyone like this,” he backpedaled.

“No,” Kyoutani said in a sickeningly sweet tone that Tooru swore he must have picked up from Makki because it was too eerily similar to be a coincidence.  “You said you’ve never actually liked anyone before.  There’s a difference.”

“It’s 3AM forgive me if my words are a little hazy.”

“You are wide awake and we both know it.”  Kyoutani smirked at him and then his face went soft and contemplative.  Tooru wanted to pinch himself just to make sure he hadn’t actually somehow fallen asleep because that look is not one he was used to seeing on Kyoutani’s face outside of a volleyball game.  “Let’s see if any of this sounds familiar.  Things like dating and romance seem like some sort of Hollywood movie bullshit.  You can never seem to get to know anyone well enough to actually want to date them.  You don’t really have any particular interest in dates and, honestly, romance is some kind of abstract fake concept that you’re pretty sure you could do without.”

“When did you get so smart?”

“When you stopped hounding my every move and pretending to be my dad or whatever it was you were doing.”  Kyoutani raised an eyebrow at him and Tooru had to resist the urge to bury his phone under his pillows.  “I’m guessing that you didn’t really start feeling too close to him until after the weekend was over?  Like the kind of actually wanting to spend time with him and making time for him and holding his hand all the time sort of close.”  When Tooru didn’t respond Kyoutani laughed.  “That’s what I thought.  Sounds like a demi thing.”

“A what now?”  Tooru perked up at the prospect of having an explanation for all the weird feelings swirling around in his chest.  If there was an explanation or a definition then he could work with it.  He could categorize and contain it.

“Demi.  As in demiromantic.  Or maybe grey-romantic.  Something on the aro-spec for sure.”  Kyoutani yawned and rubbed at his face.  “I’ve got some stuff on my computer I can send you later.  Is your crisis diverted enough that we can both try to sleep now?”

 

When his alarm went off at ten the next morning and he fell out of bed with a groan he debated crawling right back in and pretending he slept through his alarm.  Especially when he remembered that he would be going to his parents for the weekend for Takeru’s birthday party.  Alone.  But he dragged himself out of bed because he was a good uncle and he loved his family.  Also Momoko might come hunt him down if he tried to skip the party.

The articles and links that Kyoutani sent him managed to keep his mind occupied, to keep it from dwelling on the last time he made this trip just a few months before and dozed off with his head on Bokuto’s shoulder, and he wondered if anyone would believe that he had basically gotten a crash course on aro-spec and romantic orientations from Kyoutani of all people.  There was some sort of twisted beauty in it that he could almost appreciate, even if he was the one on the receiving end of the wisdom.

He stepped off the train and took a deep breath.  He was Oikawa Tooru.  He could do this.  He could face his family.  Tell them the basics of what happened - he had constructed a fairly simple story that he and Bokuto weren’t sure where they stood at the moment and were taking a little time away from each other which is why he wasn’t there this weekend - and convince them he was still happy.

 

The plan was working fine.  Sure he was kind of tense and he could see his parents shooting him worried looks on occasion but everything was okay.  No one dug into the story outside of letting him know he was free to talk to them if he needed to.  No one pried too much or expressed how much they had been hoping to see Bokuto there with him.  Which he was grateful for because now that he had a better idea of what had been happening to him he felt the loss of Bokuto’s warmth, the echo of his laughter, the feel of his fingers tangled between Tooru’s own keenly.

 

Akiko was putting Takeru to bed after he had finally worn himself out, long after Tooru’s parents had gone to bed.  He stared down at the message on his phone as his sister joined him on the back porch, torn between laughing and crying and yelling at his asshole of a best friend.

 

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ:** was actually thinking I wouldn’t have to say it for once

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ:** but

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ:** told you so

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ:** tell Takeru happy birthday

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ:** call me if you need me asshole

 

It was fine.  He was fine.

 

“I have no idea what actually happened between you two,” Momoko started softly, “but I hope you know that whatever it is you can talk to me.”

 

He wasn’t fine.  He wasn’t anywhere near fine.

 

“I think.  I think I messed up everything.”  His sister’s arms wrapped around him and before he knew it he was sobbing quietly against her shoulder, something he hadn’t done since he was a child.  At some point he felt another pair of strong arms wrap around his waist as Akiko settled behind him and propped her chin on his shoulder.  Neither of them pressed him to talk about anything.  It should have bothered him, should have had him snapping and drawing away to be coddled like this, to be held so tightly between the two of them.  But he was so tired of everything else.  So tired of keeping himself locked up of keeping himself distanced from even his family.  So tired of holding these thoughts and worries in and instead of curling up and hiding like his instincts were screaming at him to do he took a deep breath and let everything spill out.  Told everything to them from the week before asking Bokuto to be his fake boyfriend all the way up to the train ride here when he was almost desperately devouring the information Kyoutani had sent him and then searching for more.  He told them all the doubts and worries, told them about that damned voice in his dreams that twisted his thoughts, told them about the fear that jolted through him with every uneven landing and missed serve at practice, told them about how much he depended on Yaku and Bokuto and how much he was afraid that he had ruined everything beyond repair.

By the time he was done he was so drained that he was ready to just pass out against his sister’s shoulder right there on the back porch.  But for the first time in what felt like a very long time he felt at ease.  Well and truly relieved to have shared so much of himself with someone.

It was a feeling he would like to be able to grasp on to more often.


	8. Chapter 8

Everything was a bit of a blur, time moving so fast that he felt like he wasn’t really part of anything, but he had Bokuto’s tentative location on his phone - the last text from Yaku was a grouchy toned thing that told him Bokuto was still holed up at Kuroo’s apartment and that he had hoped once Kuroo got rid of his roommate that it would be Yaku spending a week there so he would appreciate it if Tooru fixed whatever was wrong between himself and Bokuto and gave Yaku back his almost maybe boyfriend - and he also had Akiko’s words whispered in his ear before he left that morning - “Go and apologize to him.  Tell him what you really want.  That you want it to be real.” - echoing in his mind.  He could do this.  He was Oikawa Tooru.  He would just roll in, apologize grandly, sweep Bokuto off his feet, and they would stroll away into the sunset on a cloud of mutual feelings and maybe share a kiss or two.  Because that had been really nice right up until the point when he panicked.

Except to do any of that he had to make himself actually cross the street and enter Kuroo’s apartment building instead of just standing there staring at it like some sort of perverted creeper.

He shut out the world around him with a deep breath, closing his eyes the same way he did when he focused for a game.  There was no ball to spin, no crowds to drown out, no court to map.  But the rush of motion twitching under his skin, waiting to be released was the same as always.  With a snap his eyes opened and he marched across the street and into the building with purpose.  He only hesitated outside Kuroo’s door long enough to wonder what he might do if Kuroo answered the door instead of Bokuto or if, perhaps, no one would answer at all.  Then he was knocking and he heard movement inside the apartment.  He braced himself to see Bokuto up close for the first time in over a week.

Apparently he didn’t brace himself enough because when the door swung open cautiously he suddenly understood what those silly romantic stories they had been forced to read in high school literature meant when the ladies swooned at the sight of their beloved.  Because his knees went watery and his heart dove and then leapt into his throat and he had to blink away the sudden threat of tears in his eyes.

For a brief sweet moment Bokuto’s face was a masterpiece of sweeping emotions and Tooru wanted to throw himself into Bokuto’s arms.  Then Bokuto blinked and his face was a blank mask.

“What?”

Tooru hated the dead tone of Bokuto’s voice even more than he hated his masked emotions.

“I, uh.  Well I wanted to talk to you.”

Bokuto leaned against the door he never fully opened and gave Tooru a look.  “So talk.”

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this last week.  I haven’t slept much so I mean I’ve been doing a  _ lot _ of thinking.  And I really miss you.”  The door creaked as Bokuto opened it just a fraction wider.  “I miss us.  What we had.  It was good and fun and warm and amazing.”  Tooru took a deep breath.  Tell him what I want, he reminded himself, tell him I want it to be real.  “I just can’t do it.”

The mask slammed back into place and Tooru felt his heart fall.

“You came all the way here just to tell me that you don’t want to be with me?  You’re a lot of things Oikawa but I never thought you were this intentionally cruel.”

The door shut in his face before he could say anything else and he was left in the hallway with his mouth hanging open in surprise.

 

He wasn’t even entirely sure how he got to the pizzeria.  One moment he was staring at the closed door of Kuroo’s apartment and then the next thing he knew he was standing in front of a pizzeria that he remembered as being just a few blocks away.  He had passed a flower shop and a cafe and a bakery but it was this building that had caught his attention and he was inside ordering before he could stop himself.  Bokuto wouldn’t want the usual stuff, the usual apology gifts.  Tooru fucked up big time.  This called for drastic measures and it nearly emptied his already shrinking wallet.  But if it gave him a chance to get inside Kuroo’s apartment and explain to Bokuto - without ruining it all for the fourth or fifth time, honestly he was losing count he’d be lucky if Bokuto even spoke to him again - he would go broke willingly.

This time there was no wallowing around across the street, no hesitation outside the building.  He marched straight in and up to Kuroo’s door and knocked assertively.

“What,” Bokuto growled from inside before he yanked the door open.  “What more could you possibly have to say to me?”

“This is an apology pizza.  Please take it or I’ll start crying for the fifth time this weekend.”  Bokuto eyed the pizza like it might leap up and bite him and then eyed Tooru like he might do something similar.  Tooru shook the box gently and tapped it against Bokuto’s chest.  “Please?”

Bokuto took the box carefully and stepped back to shut the door but this time Tooru was ready.  He smacked his hand on the door and kept it open, refusing to let Bokuto shut him out again.  “Just let me get all the words out this time?  I don’t want to do what we had.  I don’t want to just pretend anymore.”  

His voice cracked and someone stepped into the hallway from a nearby apartment.  Bokuto nodded politely when they passed and then yanked Tooru inside.  He stepped away to drop the pizza somewhere and then stood before Tooru with his arms crossed, barring him from stepping any further into the apartment.  So he leaned against the door instead and sighed.

“I really miss you and us and everything we were doing.  But I can’t do it if it’s fake.  I want it all.  The family gatherings and the movies and the falling asleep in each other’s beds and the flirting and the kisses.  But I need it to be real.  I need it to be as more than just friends.  I didn’t even know how badly I needed it to be that until the moment you kissed me.  I don’t want a fake boyfriend.  I don’t want an act that can be dropped like a crumpled up newspaper.  I’m selfish, Bokuto.  I want all of it.  I want you.  I want you to be my boyfriend.  Will you go out with me?”

Bokuto stared at him long enough that Tooru’s skin started to crawl with embarrassment; he had just bared his soul, more or less, and all Bokuto could do was stare at him with those narrowed eyes and that unreadable expression.

Bokuto licked his lips and Tooru tracked the movement nervously.  At this point he didn’t really even care if Bokuto was going to explode at him and tell him never to cross his path again; he just couldn’t take the silence.

“For realsies this time?”  Tooru snapped his gaze up to Bokuto’s eyes.  The shimmer of hope and pleasure in that golden gaze felt like a sucker punch and it took him a couple tries to nod and respond.

“Yeah.  For realsies.  Will you be my real boyfriend and go out on real dates with me and really-”  Bokuto stepped into his space and he felt the door press into his back as Bokuto peered at him closely.  He reached up to cup Tooru’s face carefully, like he was afraid he might startle or break him, and then traced the edge of Tooru’s smile when it appeared.

“I would be honored,” Bokuto leaned in close and whispered against his lips.  “Hey.  I forgot to ask last time.”

“Ask what,” Tooru whispered back.  He would probably agree to just about anything Bokuto asked him right now as long as he kept looking at Tooru the way he was just then.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

This kiss was fierce, possessive, and it made Tooru sink against the door in relief.  It was nothing like that first gentle soft kiss shared in his room had been save for the way they both made him breathless.  This was, yeah.  This was definitely something he wanted for realsies.  Bokuto stepped away but he tangled their fingers together and pulled Tooru further into the apartment with a smile.

“I have a pizza to devour and a boyfriend to talk to and then make out with,” Bokuto declared when Tooru raised an eyebrow in question.

“I like the sound of that.”

 

Kuroo made a disgusted noise when he came home later and found them tangled together on his couch.

“You know when you talked me through kicking my roommate out I didn’t think it was so you could invade my couch and then play house or newlyweds or whatever you’re doing with Oikawa in my apartment while I was gone.”

Tooru froze, slice of pizza lifted halfway to Bokuto’s mouth, and grinned sheepishly at Kuroo.

“You’re just jealous that I’m cuddling with my boyfriend and he’s hand feeding me.”  Bokuto stuck his tongue out.  “Don’t be a hater.”

Kuroo gave them both an appraising look at the word ‘boyfriend’ and Tooru tried not to squirm.  Apparently whatever Kuroo saw was good enough for him because he rolled his eyes and threw his hoodie at Bokuto’s face, effectively distracting him enough that Kuroo managed to snag a piece of pizza before he headed towards his room.

“Let me know when you two are done cuddling on my couch.  I’d like to invite my own boyfriend over to do that sometime soon if it’s not too much trouble,” he called over his shoulder.

“I call dibs on telling Yaku that Kuroo actually referred to him as his boyfriend,” Bokuto whispered.

Tooru shoved the piece of pizza he was holding into Bokuto’s mouth and reached for his phone.

“Not if I text him and tell him first.”

Kuroo banned them from visiting for at least a month because of the pizza sauce stains they managed to leave all over his couch when they started wrestling.  It was worth it to see Yaku’s face turn bright red over the video chat he had accepted with Bokuto when Tooru shouted out what Kuroo had just done.

 

—

 

**Tooru:** guess who has the most amazing boyfriend ever?

**soft makki gentle makki:** Kunimi?

**my one and only meme:** Kunimi?

**angry pupper** : Kunimi

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ:** Kunimi

**slightly less demonic child:** please don’t drag me into this

**Tooru:** ONE.  Iwa-chan doesn’t get a vote.  he’s biased.

**slightly less demonic child** : true

**my one and only meme:** fair enough

**Tooru:** TWO. TRICK QUESTION IT’S ME

**Tooru:** [img attached]

**Tooru:** [img attached]

**Tooru:** [img attached]

**Tooru:** [img attached]

**Tooru:** [img attached]

**Tooru:** [img attached]

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ:** we get it.  you like him.  please stop spamming the chat with gross couple selfies

**Tooru:** you’re just jealous that we look so good together

**soft makki gentle makki:** is that a challenge?

**my one and only meme:** I think so

**angry pupper:** am I going to have to leave the chat again?

**ᕙ( * •̀ - •́ * )ᕗ:** Kunimi?

**slightly less demonic child:** please don’t drag me into this

 

Tooru grinned down at his phone as the chat flew by in a flurry of photos and messages and he settled himself more comfortably on his bed.  He had about a half hour before he had to wake Bokuto up for their first practice as second year university students and technically he had things he could be doing with that last half an hour.  But he also had Bokuto curled around him and snorting softly in his sleep so, really, it wasn’t a very hard choice to make to just stay in bed just a little bit longer.


End file.
